Riggle me this, Spirit Fingers.

I love riding on airplanes, but I have really awful luck. Generally speaking, I’m a pretty small person. I mean, I know that I have a lot of muscle, but I mean, come on, I’m not very big. And if you don’t know what I look like, well, that sucks for you. Just know that 6’0” 170lbs person isn’t very big.

As we all know, airplane seats are tiny. Jetblue isn’t so bad because they’ve actually added room, and until today, I thought Jetblue was lying. Today, I took a flight on Spirit Airlines. First of all, they charge for everything. And it’s a joke to them. they make a reference at the beginning of the flight that they offer smiles for free. The captain even said, “And today we’re offering a special deal, for every smile you give us, we’ll give you two in return. Here at Spirit, we don’t charge for smiles, but we charge for everything else.” Hmmm. I don’t see that getting picked up anytime soon as some genius marketing tag line. But maybe I should write a letter to let them know. Maybe they should add, “We’re not happy unless you’re unhappy.”

But, I digress. Back to the size of seats. Until today, I had thought that Jetblue was lying about the extra room. Jetblue feels like the spacious countryside compared to Spirit Airlines. There’s maybe about 7” of space between the back of one seat and the front side of the seat you get. And forget about have room on the actual seat. I mean, if my butt fits snuggly in the seat, it’s small, and I have a big ass, people. I’m serious. I have a 28” waist and have to wear 31” jeans for a reason, and it’s not to sag them to my knees, either. So lack of space is the first problem.

Secondly, something I ALWAYS have to deal with on a plane is that in my neighboring seats are the largest people alive. Notice that I didn’t say fat. Large people sometimes are just large people. Today on my flight, I got to sit next to two rather large latin men. I call them men, but that’s just because they are males. In reality, they were boys. Children of a nice age of, I’d guess early twenties; immature beyond belief and just annoying. However, they were HUGE. I saw them get on the plane and just knew they were in my row (for clarity purposes, I should tell you that I had a window seat.) The first guy got on and looked about 6’5”. That’s tall. And weighed a good 225lbs. Again, not fat, but just a large person. And his friend got on just behind him was about a good two inches taller and weighed a solid twenty pounds more. And yes, I was right! They both had to have the seats in my row.

So this is how it went down. First they asked if one of them could have the window. I declined, only because they wanted me to sit between them. Yeah, right, like I’m that stupid. Secondly, they were the type of guys who say the word “bro” but don’t really pronounce it correctly. They say, “bra.” This was incredibly fun for me from the beginning. Once they sat down, I thought to myself, “I’ll just go to sleep and everything will be ok.” Wrong. When there is no room to get comfortable for a small person, there’s even less room for a large person. The guy in the middle seat really had no room for anything, but I eventually had to ask him to remove his extremities from my seat, because let’s be real, it’s my seat, not his, so regardless of how much room he doesn’t have, he isn’t entitled to what I paid for, even if I’m not using it.

So, I tried to sleep, to no avail, not because of lack of space but because they kept saying things like, “Quit touching my leg with yours, faggot,” “Bra, don’t touch me, I’m not your boyfriend,” “ I wish we had just bought out this whole row so we didn’t have to be like a gay couple cramped in here.” I was kinda surprised, but not really. I mean, they had Neanderthal written all over their faces. So, I mean, when you’re locked into a space smaller than the overhead compartment by two huge looking jock guys, who are not only bigger than you, but most likely have a scathing temper, it’s difficult to make a stand. I’m not a fighter, so I say nothing. In retrospect, I probably should have stood up for myself, but I mean, I had three hours facing me next to these douchebags. But I didn’t the next best thing.

I opened up my laptop and began writing, but what I forgot is that the main picture on my screen is a picture of me and my boyfriend. Score one for the faggot! I forgot all about it. So it gave me an idea. I opened up my photo section of my computer and went to work on a compilation video I’ve been working on of me and my boyfriend. It’s nothing but pictures of just the two of us, and yes, pictures of us kissing. I figured, hey, why not let them know subtly that I’m gay and they suck, in the really bad way.

So the guy sitting next to me practically leans over and puts his head smack in front of my screen. He said to me, “Bra, is that your boyfriend?” I replied yes, then he leaned over and said something to his friend, leaned back to me and said, “That’s cool, Bra.”


They didn’t say another word to me, and pretty much gave me even more room after that.

Riggle me that, Spirit Airline Assholes!

Riggle me this, FedEx Driver

So, today one of the most horrible fears of mine almost came true. I almost lost the life of my wonderful boyfriend, Matt in a near fatal collision.

Let me explain.

Today we went to the gym like normal, perhaps a little bit later in the day than we had originally planned. Upon leaving the gym on 38th St, we decided to head over to the holiday market in Bryant Park looking for fun gifts and whatnot. So we leave the gym and head towards Broadway.

Once at the intersection, we waited for the light to change and to get the solid white light of the pedestrian to know that we had the right of way to cross the street. We got the light and began heading into the street when out of nowhere, a fedex truck comes flying around the corner and nearly hits us both, actually hitting Matt's hand.

We both jumped back to the sidewalk in shock. I mean, we live in NYC, it's not uncommon to have cars almost hit you, but this was WAY closer than it's ever been for either one of us. I mean, my life flashed before my eyes and that truck wasn't as close to me as it was Matt. I even found myself trying to pull him back from the street, even though his instincts were quicker than mine and he was already back on the curb.

Then Matt took off down the street yelling at the driver, who was stopped at the next light. I followed suit and screamed just as loud as Matt. It was like I was outside of my body watching myself scream at the prick who had almost drastically changed my life. The driver got out of the car and while he tried to calm things down so he wouldn't get into trouble by saying that he "honked his horn as he made the turn" (that never happened, btw, there was no horn honking for once in the history of NYC driving) I took a photo of his license plate with my phone. Thank GOD for technology.

I even recall getting in the mans face and yelling, "see that plate? that number is going to the police. Say goodbye to your job!" yes, this might all sound extreme, but I have to ask you, what would you do in my situation to someone who may have killed your partner. And while I hate that word, it makes the most sense to use it right now. Because if you're married, that person is, in fact, your partner. And that person, Matt, is my partner. We've been through too much good and bad not to be considered as such and this man just about drove over all of my own personal dreams. I was PISSED!

So, leaving the scene of a scared man, Matt and I still shaking, I dialed the number to FedEX to make a formal complaint before I called the police (i ended up not calling the police because of the phone call I made to fedex). I received a polite young lady on the phone who audibly gasped when I told her what had happened. She immediately tried to apologize and console me by telling me that she completely understood my anger and assured me that this would all be dealt with. She had to fill out a formal complaint, which would be sent to the station in which he worked, and then took all of my information in which to follow up, and also assured me that this man would be immediately suspended, if not removed from their employment.

That's when I started feeling bad. I didn't want the guy to lose his job. I didn't want to be the cause of someone getting fired around the holidays. But, then I hung up the phone, still shaking from the ordeal and it hit me; Matt could have died. He could have been lying in the street under a FedEx truck and then what? A thought that I shudder to even think about.


At that moment, I knew I did the right thing by calling. And if I had it to do all over again, I'd still chose to call. In the moments after I hung up the phone, it hit me hard at how close Matt came to getting hit by a truck. My world would be over. Even now as I think of it, it's difficult to hold back tears and be sad, but as sad as that thought makes me, I'm equally grateful that he is fine.

And maybe I should have called the police, but I"m happy with what I did today. It's unusual of me to stand up for anything, but it came so easily to me today that I know what I did was right, and luckily Matt is ok. :)

Riggle me this, Really?

The other day, I was on the train heading downtown. I got in and sat down. On one side of me, there was one empty seat. On the other side there were three empty seats. I was really comfortable and peacefully listening to my ipod. It was a pretty good day so far.
Until some asshole got on the train.

This douchebag had his sunglasses on still, because you know how bright the lights are on the subway. And then decided to take up all three seats next to me. And this guy legit needed two, but took up three because he needed to spread his legs out to each side as far as they would go.

OK pause. What gives, guys? Why do you need to have your legs as wide apart as they will go when you sit? Are you airing out your tiny peenie? Or are you that insecure in your own masculinity tat you need to protect yourself from touching anyone else around you? I don't get it.

Anywho, back to the d-bag. He sits down, excuse me, postulates almost an entire row of seats, and begins CHOMPING on his gum. I'm a gum chewer and I understand that sometimes you make noise when you chew. However, this guy's mouth was totally open and he was destroying his gum. He actually almost looked like some sort of farm animal, namely a cow or a llama, and just went to town on this crap in his mouth. It was annoying. So, I did what anyone would do, I just turned up my music to ignore him, but no such luck. Rather than blast my ear drums out, I decided to keep my music low and just deal.

Oh and did I mention that two babies on the train were screaming their heads off, too? Because they were. Keep that in mind for this next part.


As we were nearing my station of departure, the man turns to me and says, between chomps, "Can you turn down your music, it's really annoying?" WHAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT???

I didn't know what to do or say. I mean, are you freaking kidding me with this? And granted, there were only about 30 more seconds until we were at the station I needed to leave from, so I just turned and looked at him with my bitchy stare, turned back to my original direction and turned my music up. Fuck you asshole!


Riggle me that.

Riggle me this, WTF?!?

Ok, so the worst day of the week happened yesterday.


I was at work and it felt like it was the day of me getting the shit beaten out of myself. Within the first few minutes I dropped a full bottle of wine on my head. So now I have the biggest bump on my head ever. Then, about thirty minutes later, I banged my knee into a speed well on the bar, but then made it worse while putting things away in our keg room and I twisted that same knee.

So far, it wasn't so wonderful. BUt it kept going.

I then was putting something away behind the bar, and while I was crouched down, three glasses fell off the bar and hit my back. So, at this point, I've hurt my head, my knee, and my back. Awesome, right?

Then, I broke a glass at one end of the bar, while someone else broke one at the service bar area. I cleaned up my own spill without a problem, then while I was cleaning up the other broken glass, a small sliver cut my hand open. AMAZING! This was turning out to be the best day ever.

SO I leave the bar to clean up my hand and when I come back to the bar, one of the servers was just leaned up against the bar and just took one look at me and punched me in the chest. Not hard, but hard enough to throw me off my balance and piss me off. I flipped out. I started speaking incredibly loud at him. "DO NOT TOUCH ME! Don't ever punch me like that."

His response was, "Man you're just so fit, I wanted to know what it was like to just punch you." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? are you kidding me with this? For real? He just said that?

SO I said to him, "That's insane, you just punched me."

To which he says, "I'm sorry I thought you could handle it."

Again, WHAAAAAAAAT???? SO I just say to him, "That's not the point, but you just threw me off my balance and scared the fuck out of me. Don't ever touch me again."


I"M sure the conversation was a little bit different than what I just wrote, but I was so angry that I can't remember all of it. BUt I mean, come on! You don't just punch someone. I mean, I used to have an understanding with one Miss Mattie Bugg and she punched me all the time, but it was just for fun and play. I don't like this guy to begin with and so the fact he just punched me wasn't going to cement our friendship.


But then a few minutes later, a girl server came up to me and said, "Steven, I've never seen you reprimand someone before. THat was scary!"

And a few other male servers told me that I was going to actually punch the guy back. They thought it was just going to be a big ole bar brawl. HAHA


I mean, I never get really mad, but seriously, you fucking punched me. What did you expect. I suspect the guy was drunk, or on something, but who just goes off and hits someone else?

Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, A-list=Asshole

So much has been going on and I just haven't had the time write anything about it.


So this past Monday night, I worked this event for a benefit for the Ali Forney center. The host of the evening invited me and Matt to bartend for the entire event. It was a wonderful event that helps out a really great cause and I was truly honored to be a part of the entire thing.

I didn't really know what to expect when I got there, but it turns out they found a liquor sponsor to donate a product for the event. GIVEN, pronounced jee-vahn. The man who created this product even decided to be there for the event to make sure things went well. This liqueur is a combination of Tequilla, lime juice, and sauvignon blanc grapes. Sounds gross right? Well, it was not so bad, but it ended up being kinda disgusting after the second or third drink.

So we get there to bartend for the green room before and during the show, and then pour drinks for the after party. Sounds simple enough, and everything was going so well until around eight o'clock, when we had been there for a few hours already, two new bartenders show up that had been hired by the guy with the alcohol. I was stumped. What I didn't really understand was if the guy who owned the alcohol was going to his his own people to run the event, why did I have to be there at all? I didn't mind, but it was just one of those things. Ya know?

So, it was a guy and a girl. Horribly stupid and just ignorant. The guy was someone who works through model bartenders. If you have never heard of this, check out the website (you have to google it because I refuse to support the site through my own.).
It's basically a site dedicated to catering events that need bartenders, but if you want someone pretty, then you go through them to hire the models who like to call themselves "bartenders." Basically just pretty people trying to do something that other people do for a living.

And yes, this guy was gorgeous, but a total tool. Yes, I said that lovely term from the nineties; tool. He was the complete embodied definition of this word, in slang form. He just kept talking about what he knew about spirits in general, and how he works for this model bartender thing, and blah blah blah. Keep in mind he kept explaining our product to people incorrectly. But then the pinnacle moment came when he, once again, was explaining what he was doing with his life, defined himself as a "mixologist."


My jaw hit the floor. WHHAAAAAAAAAAAT???? I had three reactions to this. 1. In my head, I punched him in the face. And thinking about it again, I mentally punched him in the face again. 2. I had to wonder if he even knew what that word meant. And 3. I wanted to lean over and say, "Sweetie, I know you think you have a big dick, but um, no."

I mean, for real.


But, the night got even better!

Two cast members from the mis-hit show, the A-list, on LOGO, were there to help with the event. Ryan, a successful hair stylist, and TJ, his assistant. If you don't watch the show, you're really not missing anything, but to recap quickly, these two are very outspoken, especially TJ, and they also seem to have taken on the roles of the dictators of public etiquette. They tell just about everyone on the show how to behave in public. So, from watching the show, I had originally determined that Ryan and TJ were somehow redeemable. Then they showed up in public. Ryan still isn't so bad. But TJ. FOr Real. Let's discuss.

There were several moments when a few broadway stars were warming up in the green room and all TJ could say to one of his friends was, "this is my hell. I can't believe I have to sit through this shit." WHAT? Then standing outside of the performance space and talking shit to anyone who would listen about the people on stage performing. WHAT WHAT? and then overall just being a catty bitch to everyone. I mean I couldn't believe it. I really felt like the show tried so hard to say "look everyone, this is the rich gay life that you should want." Well, those people are assholes. And if that's the rich gay life, I don't want it. I'd rather just be poor and happy.

And where do you get off criticizing broadway performers who just want to help make a difference in the world? People are utilizing their talents to make things better. And what are you doing, TJ? You're an assistant. You organize someone else's fabulous life and because you're loud and obnoxious, you landed yourself on television. Good for you! You've made a living just riding on the coattails of someone else, and someone that makes you entitled, right? I mean, that's what your behavior tells everyone. So, grow the fuck up, because no one gives a shit how many parties you get into, or how many people know who you are, you are still a trashy human being who doesn't know the first thing about humanity.


So on that happy note, I hope you all go out into the world and spread happiness!!!

Riggle me this, funny man.

I apologize for not having written in awhile. It's been a hectic couple of weeks and I've been busy writing other things. But, I can't control the urge to write this week about things that I am thankful for.

Yes, it's that time of year that the day of thanks roles around and we all start getting a little misty eyed telling everyone we know how grateful and "thankful" we are that they are around. Or maybe it's the one time a year you call your grandmother. I think all of that is bullshit. I, personally, like to give thanks everyday for what I've been given. I'm not really trying to say, "i'm better than you," but, ok, maybe a little. HAHA. Just kidding.



Kind of.

Anywho, without sidetracking anymore, today I want to give a "thankful" shout out to the people in NYC who have conversations or just blurt things out that I am eternally grateful for being within earshot to catch it.

First up. Tonight while at the vet clinic, Matt and I were sitting patiently waiting for our dog's prescription and a woman wandered into the clinic with her dog. WHen asked if she needed anything, she responded with, "I'm not exactly sure if I do or not. I just encountered a woman on the street who came up to me and told me my dog was beautiful. Then she preceded to tell me that she is a dog whisperer and that my dog wanted to tell me that she has fun and fun and fun all the time, but when she walks, her back legs hurt a little."

Perplexed was pretty much everyone in the room. For real? A woman just walked up to you on the street and proclaimed being a dog whisperer? Crazy. Needless to say, the people in the clinic told her not to listen to strange people on the street about dogs. Especially one who claims they can tell you what your dog thinks. I mean, really?


NEXT

Last night in our jazz club, the musician came up to me and complimented the drink that I had made him. Then he furthered it by telling me how happy I made him during the show because when I had to shake a cocktail during the show, I was in rhythm with the band. He then said, "Yeah man, it was, it was almost spiritual, it was so beautiful. That's what you are. Beautiful."

Um, awkward?



And Lastly for my most recent funny situation.


A woman came up to the bar and was buying something with a credit card. When I gave her the slip to sign with a pen, she complained that the pen didn't work. I found that funny because I had just used that pen for something else. So I gave her another pen to use. As she began trying to sign her name, she, once again, told me that my pens weren't working. She was actually a little irritated with me and my useless pens. I looked over and saw the problem. I reached over and just clicked that little button at the top of the pen to push out the ballpoint. Problem solved.

I felt like God gave me a fun little gift with that one.



So thank you world for just giving me fun little things to laugh about, as well as some random pictures of things I've seen in NYC that made me laugh as well.

Riggle me this, FUN

OK, so how many people have done something fun today? I haven't yet, but I'm about to do something incredibly fun; writing. Actually, I guess I'm doing that now.

Let's back track.

Yesterday, I had the day off, it was pretty bland, but I ended up realizing how much of my life is spent waiting for the next best thing to come along and change all of my life's problems. Well, that isn't going to happen. I have to do it myself. So, here we go with all of the depressing life analysis, and all of the dilemma, and all the existentialism, and blah blah blah.

I basically realized yesterday that I'm taking my life WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYY to seriously to really enjoy what I'm doing here. So, I'm changing my attitude as of yesterday. I went to see two, yes two movies yesterday. Both of which were amazing, and both of which left me inspired to write something of equal caliber one day, or now. Who knows? But the thing is, for three hours, I remembered what fun felt like.

Granted over the past couple of weeks, I've been on an upswing of rejuvinated attitude and just really pouring myself into my writing and trying to open myself up to new experiences. So, from now on, I want to strive to do at least one fun thing today. It can be something simple like take a silly picture, or taking my dog to the park, or even playing with my dog at home. Or something bigger like a night out with my friends or whatever. The point is, I want to enjoy my life more. I want to take pride in the fact that I'm doing things that are fun. Some days will be more difficult than others, but I want to try to do this everyday.

And I want to challenge my friends to do the same. So, yes this is cheesey, but just indulge me and let's see if it makes a difference!

Riggle me this, choices.

In many relationships, people initially have a problem committing to one other person because they are keeping one eye on the door for the next hottest person to walk through, sweep you off your feet and carry you on to happiness. But what's weird is that what could be the right person for you could be right there with you at that moment, keeping both eyes on you. Meanwhile, you're missing out on what could be the best thing of your life because you're scared you're missing out on what hasn't even happened yet.

We do the same thing with other things in our lives. I moved here to NYC to be an actor. I spent so much time having my day job so that I could pursue my dreams with auditions. I tried so hard to keep as much free time so that I never missed a single one. I kept thinking, "what if this is the one I get?" It seemed to make sense. I gave up everything for what I thought was going to be my career. And I did it well for awhile. I booked shows, a national tour, and I missed family trips, Christmas, holidays, weddings, all of the normal events and celebrations that happen in life. I missed them all of them because I was so convinced that my next big break was right around the corner. And what do I have to show for it? Not a whole lot of material possessions, but I have gained a whole lot of insight for it.

I have decided that acting is truly a passion of mine, but it's not one I think I will end up committing to for the rest of my life. Not because I don't love the craft, I don't love the process of getting the jobs. That rat race is the worst thing in this business, even worse than the "you didn't get the job because you have green eyes, or you are too tall, or too short." And now, at the young age of thirty, I think about all of the opportunities I passed up on and missed out on. I think back to all of the times I went to upwards of five auditions in a day and didn't stop to make time for a friend. I told myself, "I'm sacrificing for a career. One day it will be worth it." And where am I now? I am in a place of judgment of what I do for a living, not sure of the next step in my life.

But why do I have to judge what I'm doing? No, it's not what I set out to do. It's definitely not what I went to college for. In my line of work, bartending/waiting tables, I don't know many people who are doing what they set out to do. I do, however, have friends on Broadway, or working at a job that they did, in fact, go to college for, and I think about if they're happy or not. Some of them are, and some of them aren't. What's funny is that my friends who didn't seek out some performance type of life are typically happy people. But, my friends on Broadway don't seem like they are. I have several friends who have credits coming out of their ass, but don't seem to be living the life they thought it would be. The bottom line is that every show closes, and every job ends, and then you're right back to where you started. So, yes, it's a somewhat pessimistic view, but why bother?

Currently, I work as a bartender. But, I feel the need to tell people that ask me what I want to do that I want to be a writer, a painter, an actor, a director, a producer, etc, and the list is so long I can't even bear to type it. I am curious at what people would say if the conversation went like this,

Guest, to me, "So, what do you want to do? What are you trying to do? I mean, you can't want to be a bartender forever."

ME, "Actually, this is what I want to do with my life, make drinks and server people."

Guest, "Oh so you want to be a mixologist? That's badass!"

Me, "No, a mixologist is someone who wants to create drinks, I just want to pour them and have you tip me for it."

End of discussion. Would that be so bad if my aspirations were to just be a bartender? Who am I trying to please anyways? It's difficult to tell my parents that this might be all I am doing at the moment. But, at least I'm doing something. And yes, I have things that I"m trying to do on the side, but why should I feel like I have to justify my life with trying to do something else? Granted, that's not who I am, but why should I feel like I have to do something else? It's almost like I'm running some invisible race against everyone else in the world and I have to win to garner respect and success.

Just like people with one eye on the guy in front of them and one eye on the door, I have been that way with my own personal life for as long as I can remember. "Never settle for less than you deserve," is something my parents instilled in me from the time I was little. But I never heard, "take some time to enjoy your life. Pause to really commit your life to someone. Spend extra time doing nothing so you understand how to relax so when you have to work your ass off, you appreciate your time off more." None of those things were said to me until I got a little bit older. I'm not blaming my parents for that, but I'm just saying, I was never told that taking time off was ok. And now, I feel guilty when I have two days off and no agenda for those days off.

And now, I'm at a point in my life that I'm happy to have learned the lesson of enjoying myself and taking time to just soak up all of the wonderfulness that is around me. Because let's take a look at how my life could have been different. Over the past few years there have been two people I could have dated but because I was focused on the "what if's" of my career, I missed out on them. I am certainly not mad about missing out on it, because it left me open to accept my current relationship in my life. And now, I have him, my dog and my life. And if I hadn't learned all of this, I might still be out trying to pursue acting everyday and being miserable, but scared to admit defeat and moving on to something else. I might not have learned that I love sitting in front of my computer and typing away as fast as I can, or love watching tv for more than satisfaction, but for a studying purpose.

So, I am now more aware of myself. I'm learning to be more accepting of who I am, good and bad. I'm learning to accept that I might never be an actor, but I can shift and change my mind at any point and it's ok. Whatever I want to do is my choice and that's all that matters. There are many aspects of my life that I simply cannot control, even though I try, but I'm learning to let it go.

Riggle me this, VOTING!!!

I am furious. I am outraged at what happened today.

No, I'm not talking about who won the elections in NY, or who won across the country, for that matter. I'm angry about the lack of people voting. This is your chance to make a difference. This election, in particular affects your way of life more than the presidential election. LOCAL POLITICS PEOPLE! That's how we get our president in the first place. The people we elect to represent us locally, represent us nationally. Their job is to take our voices to the national level to make sure what we want is heard and respected. So, why on Earth would anyone not be out voting today???

On Facebook, they had a little link as I logged in today that kept a tally of how many people on Facebook voted. I was amazed that the number reached into the millions so quickly and so early today. Yet, I was sad that by 4:00PM, roughly 7 million people had voted and only 70 of my 750 friends on facebook had done so. Granted, I can't be certain that they all clicked the box saying, "i voted," so, it's difficult to say how accurate that is.

But, then as I watched the election results later in the evening, I started noticing a trend among the polls. Every time they showed how tight the race was in each state, I started to look at the number of votes each candidate had. Vermont, for example had around 70,000 voting for one candidate and 50,000 for the other. That's around 120,000 people voting for a state that boasts close to 700,000 people living in it. So, that mean that the state of Vermont has 550,000 (give or take) people living in it under the voting age? I doubt it. Really people? The state of Wyoming had cast 12,000 votes and the state has 500,000 people in it, so what they're saying is they only have 12,000 adults in it? Please!

Why are so many people willing to allow just a mere 12,000 people decide the fate of themselves? Why don't more people take the 5 minutes out of their day that it takes to vote. I don't understand it! I am thirty years old and I have never missed an election in my life. Not one. I have voted in every single election since I was 18. No, I didn't and still don't always understand where every single candidate stands, nor will I ever, and I seriously doubt anyone else will either. Politicians are primarily focused on winning. So it's a serious amount of bullshit one has to weed through to figure out who stands where and who really means what they say.

I will never understand why anyone would think it's ok to complain about the people in office, but do nothing to have a say in who is in office. It's easy to judge and even easier to vote.

As to my friends on Facebook who didn't vote, I ask you why you even want to be my friend anymore? If you can't even care enough about your own state of affairs enough to protect your rights and your ideals and your morals, then you don't deserve my friendship; via Facebook or otherwise. To those people who are not my friend, who might even hate me for who I am, I ask you why? Why do you not stand up and oppose me for what I believe in, even if you so clearly support the opposite side? Why simply hand me the trophy? Or why simply hand it to the other side? Why give up?

There are so many people out there who are just like me, or just like you, or people that are younger that look up to you or me and what kind of example are you setting for them? Ask yourself, if I were my own child, would I be proud of the type of parent I am? Would I want to grow up to be like myself? Or would I be so ready to go the opposite direction?

I grew up in Wyoming in a fairly conservative house. It wasn't always easy, but one of the best things about it was that my parents taught me to be my own person and believe what I chose because I felt so strongly about it, not because they did. I am incredibly lucky to have parents willing to not only stand against me, but allow mt to stand against them. They encouraged many healthy political discussions and as much as my democratic friends in NYC don't believe it, the best political debates I've ever had are with my republican father. Not only is he wise, he is fair and willing to listen. He taught me to always listen to both sides of every situation and he also taught me to make my voice heard and to stand up for what I believe in and fight for what is right.

Yes, I'm incredibly fortunate, and I hope one day, I have a child who looks at me the same way. I hope to one day be able to continue on the saying of my father and tell my child, "I don't care who you vote for, just exercise your right to vote."

So I will say it to you. Exercise your right to vote.

Be Heard.

Be counted

VOTE!!! Damnit!

Riggle me this, asshole on the train?

It's been awhile since I've written anything, and something happened the other day that's just WAY too good not to write about. Even now, as I think about it, I get pissed off, excited, and feel the adrenaline pumping hardcore.

Wednesday morning, I was leaving to go to the gym, then work, then a bunch of stuff to do later in the evening. I took the 1 local train to 96th street and crossed the platform to transfer to the express train. I do this switch a lot, so I know exactly where I need to stand for the right car and the right door. So, I go to my spot. Very near to where I need to be standing, I saw a man standing reading his newspaper with his elbows far out to the side in a very blocked and defensive stance, almost as if he's ready for a rush of football players to come and attack him for his newspaper. I step up next to him, and I notice him jabbing his elbow at me, as if to ward me off from standing too close to him. I disregard him and wait for the train.

The train comes and I'm exactly where I need to be; just to the right side of the door so passengers can get off the train and then I can move smoothly on. The man moves to the left of the door, irritated. Most likely, it's because I got the good spot by the door. I don't really care, because I'm not completely in a rush to get to the gym anyways. But, I notice that he is overtly angry about being on the left side of the door and about the number of people getting off the train. Still, I disregard him.

Then, as I'm getting on the train, I notice one seat available, which I decide 7 inches of space isn't really a seat. As I make the mental decision to stand on the other side of the train, the man with the newspaper comes barreling through the train and knocks me to the floor of the train. Seriously, I'm on the floor. Stunned, I didn't know what to do. Being someone who normally doesn't stand up for myself, I surprised even myself when I started yelling at the man, "what the fuck? Are you kidding me? You're an asshole!" All of the obscenities I could think of, while a large black man helped me up and he was yelling at the guy, "not cool dude, you fucking prick!" Then looked at me and asked if I was ok, and of course I was fine, but just pissed at the asshole who knocked me down. And this guy helping me up was HUGE! His head was almost touching the ceiling of the train, and he weighed at least 350. I'm not even kidding.

Meanwhile, the jerk in question was flipping me off from his perch, because let's be honest, he still wasn't really sitting down in 7 inches of space. And I'm pretty sure I heard a, "fuck you, faggot," but can't be certain because I had my headphones on. So, here he is, being rude and nasty and flipping me off, and I just wouldn't, no couldn't let it go. I"m never like this. I usually let a lot of things go, but this time, I just couldn't. I was screaming at him from across the train like an idiot, and I didn't even care! It was like I was outside of my body, watching myself behave like an idiot, but unable to stop myself.

It was at that moment that I realized other people on the train were saying and yelling things at him too. What what? It was one of the many times since moving to NYC that I have felt such joy and pride and a sense of community to realize that my fellow New Yorkers were standing up for me. It was incredible. And all the man did was flip people of or say, "fuck you, -----(insert any demographical slur here)----." I mean, for real, that's all you got ass? Come on, be creative at least!

Then, the most incredible thing happened that I have ever seen! The teeny tiny old lady (i later found out she was 90) picked up her cane and smacked him in the leg! She screamed, "you fucking prick! you should have to stand!" I stopped cold. For real, a 90 year old woman. I was in heaven! But then it kept going!

The man screamed back, "fuck you, cunt! You can't hit me!"

And in a high pitched squeal she screamed back, "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMM NINETY! I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO! I HOPE A PREGNANT LADY GETS ON SO I CAN BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU TO GET YOUR ASS UP!" That's how I found out she was 90, btw. I am not even kidding when I tell you that if there were different levels of heaven, I was in the highest one at that moment. I literally saw Jesus come down from heaven and say, "dear steven, you're such a good person, please enjoy what is now unfolding before your very eyes." It was amazing!!!

Keep in mind that all of this happened over the course of two subway stops on the express 2 train from 96th st to 42nd st. And by the time I got off at 42nd st, the man was still getting yelled at by passengers. I couldn't believe it! I mean, wouldn't it have been easier to just go to another car? Or better yet, wouldn't it have been easier to not be a prick and knock me down in the first place?



Riggle me that, bitch!

Riggle me this, D-bag?

This morning, as I was walking my dog, I stopped near the end of the street to talk to one of my neighbors walking his two dogs, and a lady who lives in my neighborhood, who was walking her dog as well. It's always fun to talk to them and our dogs play and it's just cute.

So, as we're standing there in a small group, some dick walks down the sidewalk saying, "excusemeexcusemeexcusemeexcuseme!" Practically shouting it at us and not slowing down. Now there was plenty of room on either side of us that he could have just gone around, but it was apparent he was going to go through us.

First of all, to that man, you're an idiot. You want to deliberately walk through a group of three people and four dogs? Wow, you are completely stupid. Second, you're a d-bag; a BIG ONE!

Anywho, while the two people were about to move out of his way with their three dogs in tow, I stood my ground and just said to the man, "you can go around asshole." HAHA! Why should I have to move when he had plenty of room to go around?

Well, he looked at me like I was crazy, and the two people I was talking were in shock. They don't know me that well to know that I'm really a bitch at heart. I have no issue being mean to people. But, then the woman I had been talking to looked at me and just said, "Wow, I mean, you're so young, but that was (and I was waiting for her to tell me I was mean or something but she finished with) AWESOME!"

And I can't lie, it felt good to give that man a little taste of exactly what he was putting out there.

Riggle me this, thirty?

As the first week of my thirties comes to an end, I have to sit and think about the past year of my life and what I want for the next one.

The past six months or so I have been depressed. Perhaps it was because I was really nervous about turning thirty, or maybe because I was just so upset about not knowing which direction I wanted to go with my life. Whatever the reason, I seemed to have lost my way. I got so bogged down with being worrying about the fact that I was still a waiter, and wasn't auditioning for anything and didn't even want to. It was so hard for me to see anything good in my life.

About five years ago I dated someone who looked me square in the face and told me that I was too negative and he couldn't handle being around me anymore. My immediate reaction was, "fuck you!" But, the more I thought about it, the more I thought he might be right. That same day I received a forward from my Grandma in my e-mail. I don't know why I read it, but I did. The entire story was about a man who suffered sever trauma and extreme situations in his life, but kept a positive attitude. I could tell you the whole story, but that would take forever. The point of the story was how he did it. He woke up everyday and told himself, "I chose to be happy today." That's it. He made a choice every single day about the attitude he wanted.

I couldn't believe the coincidence. Shocked and a little bit hurt, I tucked my pride away and decided that I needed to change my life. I wrote a small little note and put it up next to my light switch in my bedroom that read, "I chose to be happy today. No matter what comes my way, I am a strong individual who can endure anything." I know I know that sounds lame, but it worked. I didn't feel a change immediately, but I worked on it, and within a few weeks, I knew that I had changed my life.




On the flip-side, I did run into the person I had dated about a year later, and he looked at me, stunned, and asked, "what happened to you?" And I told him about how he had changed my life. Well, him and my grandma. But the point is, they changed my life for the better.

Now, I'm someone who goes up and down a lot in my life. There are some high points and definitely some low points. That moment a few years ago was definitely a low point. And for some reason, the past six months, I allowed myself to get back to that point again. I'm not sure how I just let it happen but I did.

So, now I have to take inventory of my life and figure out what's so good about it. I have a wonderful life with an insanely caring man, and our puppy. I have amazing friends, too many to give individual shoutouts, but you all know who you are. My family and I love each other and see each other whenever we can. The past six months, I went to Florida to see my sister and took trips up to Massachusetts to see Matt's family, as well as going to P-town to see friends, and i went to two wonderful weddings. So I have family, friends, a job, vacations, fun, a dog, a boyfriend. That sounds like a pretty effing amazing life to me. The only thing missing? A career. Well, that will work itself out.

The next thing I had to do was compare where I'm at now, to where I was several years ago when I had hit a low point. My relationship with my family was on the way to getting better, I had just met some people who are now my best friends, I had just
started a new job, I had no boyfriend, no dog, no vacations, and no career. Plus, I was really selfish, bitchy and immature. So, I'd say that I've made some serious strides in my life to make it better.

So, how did I let it get so bad? I have no idea. Somehow I just forgot that my life is essentially good and wonderful. I have people in my life who have supported me in any decision I've made, and constantly remind me how great our lives are. They remind me that a life not enjoyed is not a life lived. The weeks leading up to my birthday, all of this hit me like a ton of bricks. So, I have to give credit and sincere thanks to all of the fantastic people in my life.

And what do I really want in the next year of my life? Or the next decade, for that matter. I want to continue my upswing of knowing how lucky I am. I want to spend more time with my friends and make it home to see my family more. As far as my career goes, I just want in the next year to find something that I love to do and figure out a way to make a go for it. Something that I feel passionate about that I can handle doing without getting bored with it. And the best part is, I think I've found it. I just have to remember, that no matter what, I can do anything I want and I can change my mind at anytime. I just want to go at it full force so I know if it's really something to do.

And now I'm 30. The big 3-0. It as a rough few months before, but now, literally, it's going to be the best year of my life. I can feel it. And it feels good. :)

Riggle me this, random dude?

So this past weekend, I was on the subway listening to my music. Probably loud enough for people to hear, but when I think about it, so many people play their music louder, so I don't mind.

Anywho, I was sitting there, minding my own business and listening to a song by Todrick Hall called "It Gets Better." It's a really great song, for now, but it definitely goes along with the "It Gets Better" campaign. It's very inspirational and cute and I'm enjoying for now. So, I'm sitting there feeling really good as the song finishes, and a guy sitting near me motions for me to take my headphones off because he has something to say. This has happened to me before and never been a good scenario.

He was pretty non-descript. Just a man in his mid-late forties, balding and an overall pleasant demeanor. So, I cautiously obliged him and took off my headphones, very unsure of what to expect.

"I like the song you're listening to."

"Thanks, I like it, too," I said, thinking, "wow, did you really interrupt me just to tell me that?"

After a long awkward pause, he continued, "So, do you have anything you need to talk about?"

Inside my head, I was screaming "WHAT??? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU? GET AWAY FROM ME YOU CREEPY CREEPY MAN!" But I calmly asked, "excuse me?"

I found out that he works for a youth organization for gay teens, that now uses this song as their theme song. So, he's just out trying to protect the gay youth of the city.

Now, I'm wondering if he thinks I'm a gay teen, which clearly I'm not gay. HAHA. But he then said, "so anytime I hear someone listening to this song, I feel compelled to stop them and make sure they are ok. You know there have been a lot of youth as well as college suicides lately."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYY!. Here it is. He thinks I'm in college. And troubled. And contemplating suicide. So clearly this man has no idea how to read the signs of someone troubled, contemplating suicide, or judging the age of someone in college. I wonder how it's possible for him to work with a youth organization that saves people when he's so bad at reading the signs. So, I looked at him and said, "yeah, I'm thirty. And I actually live with my boyfriend."

He gave me an awkward, "oh so you're all good then."

"yeah, I'm all good"

Because I am.

Riggle me this, Dominos?

So tonight, after a long ass day, Matt and I decided to order pizza.


Papa John's is our place of choice, but they were closed. SO we went to Domino's online. Has anyone ever been to this? It's amazing. Not only were they opened, but it was ridiculously easy. Then the best thing happened. They give you an online tracker to view what's happening with your order. Then they give you little updates that say things like, "Ruben has just placed your order in the oven," and, "Ruben is checking your order for quality at 12:01." And then the final, "Maximono is on the way to your door with your order at 12:09."

For real? HIs name is Maximono. Amazing!!! I was stunned and a little bit creeped out by this. I'm not gonna lie. I thought it was a little bit weird that Ruben was checking on my pizza. I mean, I don't need to know who is doing what to my food, i just need to know that my food is coming, not who is doing what.

And then when the food comes, do I say, "thanks Maximono!"? For real, I've never met the guy, but I know his name! And do I also tell him to thank Ruben for making my dinner?

I dunno, I think it's just another way to be too invasive into someone's life, but, still, maybe it's just a nicety.

Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, relationships?

How does one define a relationship? Is it by the way people view it on the outside, or how you and the one you're with view it, or is it a little bit of both?

I think it's basically how you define it yourself. Granted, many people around you will constantly try to understand, or judge or butt in where it's really none of their business at all.

Recently, I was out with friends and I saw one person, who has a boyfriend that wasn't out that night, kissing other people. Now, I'm not one to say much because I kiss all of my friends. However, I don't use tongue with my friends. To me it just seemed kind of odd. Someone else that was out that night kept talking to me about that person and his boyfriend and how much he wanted to be in a relationship like that one day. "Like what?" I had to wonder. One that ends up with your boyfriend kissing someone else and God only knows what else when you're away? Because I know that I wouldn't want that. I try not to judge it and I really don't know all of the details of the situation, so I can't and won't. I believe that everyone is entitled to their own way of life. But, don't preach the monogamy of your life, when you don't display acts of monogamy in public. It just confuses everyone.

Maybe it's just me, but I think that because we're gay, it's expected that we are not monogamous. I know people who hate talking about it because they think that it makes gays too much like straight people. Well, whatever happened to the worth of a commitment? Or just the value of your word? Whatever happened to knowing and trusting in someone so much, and them actually backing you up with it? Is that something so crazy to ask for?

I maintain that it is not. I think that it's just the way you run your own life. Outside of even having a relationship. I think we should all strive to be people of our word. The kind of people that when we say something to others, they know it's the truth. Or when we commit to something, we follow through. Granted, this is not always easy, and I'm victim to falling short of it just like everyone else. So, with that, I'm trying to be a better person. And maybe everyone else should too, but who am I to say?

So, back to relationships, is it anyone's business about the in's and out's of a relationship other than the people in it? I mean, if the relationship is outwardly non abusive or destructive, should anyone have the right to inquire about the details or know what is going on behind closed doors? Does anyone have the right to know who takes care of what? Or who holds responsibility where? I maintain they don't. Unless someone in the relationship chooses to bring that out and share it, then fine, but who are people to think that it should be public knowledge? It frustrates me at times when i want to keep something private, yet I find friends of various degrees asking me questions about stuff I might not want to share, or that I think is none of their business. I don't want to be rude or closed off, but sometimes it's just none of your business.

And yes, I have asked more of my friends than was my business to know, so here we go again. I'm trying to be better at minding my own business. So, conversely, if I tell you that I think it's none of your business, then that should be the end of the conversation. And I hope that if you are the recipient of that statement, that you are not offended and can respect my wishes about my own life.

Yes, I have a blog, and yes I put a LOT out there, and no I don't mind talking about my life. Mine. Not the life I have with my boyfriend. He's not me, so I have to be respectful of him. And the us that is a couple. But for my own things, I can share what I choose because that's up to me. So, it's always a fine line with everything and a balancing act to make sure that you are the person you should be and want to be.

Riggle me this, how to apologize.

When it comes to my friends, I can't say that I've always been the best person ever. But then again, who has? While we all wish we lived in the world that revolves around ourselves, sometimes it's easy to forget that we have to take care of those people who keep our world revolving. It's hard to imagine that the center of my friends' world's isn't me. It's hard, sometimes, not to be selfish.

For instance, a dear friend wanted my presence last night, yet, I denied him and made a situation bad before I really thought about what I was giving up. Now, I'm sure my friend will eventually forgive me, but now I have to grovel and beg for it. Do I recite all of the times before that I've been there for him? Or do I just bow my head down and think about all of the times I've repeated the same bad pattern of last night? Or do I do both? i think the latter is what's happening.

It's difficult to be angry with the people you love the most. It's even more difficult to say, "I'm sorry." Being that I've already called once, do I call over and over and over again to the point of annoying to apologize? Or do i just wait for it all to blow over and let my friend come back to me? I think that's what i should do, but I just want to get to the most wonderful moment in the world when you're forgiven and you get to go back to being best friends again.

In my experience with life, I've never had a core groups of friends until I moved to NYC. And lately, I feel like I haven't been keeping up my end of the bargain, and while I'm sure it's viewed as one reason, it's really just something else that's been keeping me from them. And while my finances will eventually get back on track, I hope that i never lose the support from them I have found over the past five years. They are my Sex in the City sisterhood of the traveling pants, never ending best friends. To one, specifically, I'm sorry about last night. I hope you remember that I love you and I will try to be a better friend.

Riggle me this, how do we get there?

Last night I was on the train and an elderly couple got on at 42nd street and sat down. It was as if it was the first time they had ever been on a train. They somewhat bickered for a moment as they decided which stop they needed, and as it turned out, it was only a few stops away. Even though they seemed to fight a little bit, they were the cutest people I have ever seen.

When they sat down, the man held onto his wife's hand until she was settled and then he sat down next to her and grabbed her hand and didn't let it go until they got up. And even then he stood up first and helped her get up and lead her out of the train. It was something so subtle and yet so sweet I almost started crying. I couldn't believe a couple that had been together for, most likely, forty years or more was still this chivalrous and romantic without being obnoxious.

I wondered if I would ever get to that point. It's always been difficult for me to imagine my life with anyone for that long. It's just always been something that seemed like forever. I even think of my parents who just celebrated thirty-five years and it just sounds like an eternity. Anyone who has known me will tell you that it's just not something I ever really dreamed of, openly.

I say openly because the flip side of that statement is that I can't imagine my life any different than it is now. I have always secretly dreamed of having someone to stand by my side forever. I just never thought it would be possible. I never thought that I could have a husband or a long lasting relationship because my presentation of the gay life was heavy promiscuity and gay marriage is still an uphill battle. But, now I see that being gay doesn't have to be a sea of one-night stands and while marriage is still a struggle, state by state we are winning the fight, and I remain hopeful that one day I will see myself as part of an incredible marriage that is recognized and respected by everyone.

Something else I noticed about that couple on the train is that they talked about how they couldn't get a cab and how it was an adventure for them to take the train. I thought to myself, "how great would it be if I could just take a cab all the time?" I mean for real! How glorious would it be to know that you could just take a $30 cab ride and not think about what you're going to have to give up in order to afford it? I thought about how great it would be to be that set in life, but the second I thought of it, I got scared. What would I do with that kind of money? Would i be noble and give money back to people who needed it or would I be selfish and keep it all to myself? Money has the ability to really show what kind of person you are. Without money, it's easy to have morals and responsibility and be forced to be, essentially, a good person. Because you can't afford not to be. When you have money, you can let it overcome you and suddenly it becomes about getting more of it and it can be difficult to enjoy it. Now, that still doesn't stop us from trying to get more.

I think everyone can honestly say that they want more money. And who can blame them? It's the constant struggle that everyone has. I just got scared thinking about more money because I enjoy the struggle that I go through. I love that my boyfriend and I have to fight our way through the world together. I enjoy finding creative ways to have fun that don't cost a lot of money. It's actually really fun. Yes, I would love to be whisked away to Paris on a whim or zip on down to the Bahamas just because we felt like it. But, there's something so much more meaningful to the activities we do because the basics of what makes it fun is us. And we know that's all that matters.

So, when the day comes that I find myself with enough money for endless amounts of cabs, I hope I remain like that old couple on the train; content with small adventures and simple gestures.

Riggle me this, not taking the hint!

Tonight I worked a catering event in the low twenties and fifth avenue. I work catering here and there, and I've seen a lot of crazy spaces, but this place was AWESOME! Seriously such a beautiful building and lots of great amenities, including a roof deck, which is where the party was being held. OH yeah, the event was a recruiting party for a kids charity in Cambodia. Just keep that in mind as this story unfolds.

So, I get to the building with roughly 8 bags in tow. I take them up to the tenth floor to a gorgeous 3 bedroom condo with dark hardwood floors, a big open living room and kitchen, fully modern and sleek. It seemed like an space I could only dream of. OH but wait. The top, excuse me, penthouse, is all two-three level condo's. It's ridiculous. And then the rooftop! My god, it was a dream come true. Sadly, reality set back in and I realized that I didn't live there, I was there to work. :(

Anwho, after immediately mis-judging the woman I was working for, with her live-in maid (i thought she was one of those snooty women who didn't really raise their own kid. but she turned out to be alright) I began setting up the entire party. Organizing furniture, laying out food, getting drinks ready, putting up tents, and I even helped set up a computer and screen for a power-point presentation. Yup, I'm a big time multi-tasker!

So, the party gets going and the skinniest woman I have ever seen shows up. And while she was nice, I hear the host ask her when her daughter is coming, and she said, "Oh the nanny is bringing her in about an hour, I NEED some adult time." OK, let's stop here. I'm sure you do need adult time. Most parents do. But this is the kind of woman, no person, that I hate. She has a full time, live in nanny that most likely raises her kid, while she has plenty of gym time to keep her skeletal figure from gaining even an ounce. You got it, I'm judging HARDCORE right now. And she certainly didn't lack in giving me ammo!

Later, her daughter arrived; Esme. My first reaction to this name was pretty amazing. I thought it was ridiculous. If you know where I'm going with this, don't tell. Let the kiddie's get to it on their own. As this woman was introducing herself to people as well as her daughter, I heard a lady say, "wow, Esme, what an interesting name. How did you come up with that?" And her reply was fantastic! "Well, I was reading these children's books called 'Twilight,' have you heard of them?"

Well that's all I needed to think this woman a total moron. YOU NAMED YOUR KID AFTER A CHARACTER IN TWILIGHT!!! Good lord! I can totally get naming your kid after someone from a novel that changed literature as we know it, but Twilight? For real? I mean you might as well have named your kid Taylor Lautner, and called it a day! I mean, honestly! UGH! OH but it gets even better!!!

Later on, a man showed up to the party that looked familiar. I couldn't figure it out, then he came over with a bottle of beer he needed opened. That's when it hit me! About three weeks ago, he came into my restaurant with some of his buddies. On his way out, he left me his phone number and told me to call him. Well, as I do when anyone gives me their number while I'm working, I threw it out. So he comes up to get his beer opened and looks at me, "oh hey! you work at (insert restaurant here) don't you?" All I could say was, "yes." That got me a nervous, "cool." I could see him kind of nervous looking (or so I thought.) Then he went over and sat with Twilight namer. She's his wife! What??? At this point I wasn't confused, because men in the city are never what they seem. But, for real, this is is wife. Maybe he bought Twilight for him? Then she borrowed them? Anywho...


So later on, I had to replenish drinks. To do so, I had to go to a room behind the bar area I had set up. As I go back, this dude follows me. This was the best conversation I've ever had because he scared the shit out of me.

Him, "Hey, did you keep my number?"

Me, "No, I'm sorry." (then upon trying to leave)

Him, "That's too bad, you should call me."

Me, "Well, I'm sorry, that's not going to happen."

Him, "Why, because I'm married? Or do you have a boyfriend?"

Me, "I do have a boyfriend. One who I'm committed to."

Him, "Well, my wife and I have an understanding..."

Me, "My boyfriend and I have an understanding too. We understand that we're just with each other. I have to get back out there"

First of all, you fucking followed me and cornered me! How fucking dare you! Second, you're scum. YOu sleep with men on the side of your marriage to a woman. That's just beyond disgusting. And from that point on, he didn't even come near me for the rest of the evening, thank GOD!

ANywho, it was a beautiful evening and I got to hang out in the building where Meg Ryan own's a condo. I even took the elevator down with her on my way out!

Riggle me this, Emerald City.

Have you ever looked at a construction site and imagined what the finished product would look like? Sometimes they actually have computer generated pictures next to the site to show you what's going to happen. I, personally, like to stand next to them and just imagine for myself what's going to be there. I think it's more interesting, and I like to think myself more talented than the architect who spent about a year designing what's going in that empty space. Regardless of how you think of the space, something will end up there as a finished product. Sometimes it takes a few months or a few years.

Near my place of employment, there is a building that is covered in what looks like green wrapping paper. I'm not sure what it is for real, but that's what it looks like. And I wish I had a picture, but sadly, I don't. I have never seen anyone working on this building or making improvements, but I'm sure something is going on there, and one day it will eventually be finished. But, for the moment it's a work in progress.

Now, I think buildings are like people. I think the flaws, cracks, perfections and imperfections in a building are what give them character, just like people. This is not a new revelation. But, for myself, I walk by this building of green wrapping paper and I feel closest to that building; maybe there's nothing obvious going on from the outside, but underneath there is a a massive amount of work that is just waiting for one day to show on the outside.

Most people, it seems, are more like the buildings being built from the ground up. They could be empty spaces that will never have anything of substance, or they are the people that have a clear cut identified plan of what they are to become. I know many people who are on a very clear path to becoming who or what they want to be. Nothing can derail them. So, I can't say all people, but it just feels that way. And it makes me feel, sometimes, that I'm never going to find my own way.

So in reference to the emerald city, my green building does remind me of the wizard of oz. In that story, the emerald city is their ultimate goal. It is their destination to find their answers and conclude their journey. So, is my green building the answer to mine? Or is it my reminder that I'm on my path, the right or wrong one, but a path, that is uniquely my own and that I'll one day figure out where I need to be?



I'm not sure, but I see that building of green and I think I'm doing ok.

Riggle me this, Chewing it why?

So yesterday, as I was closing up my computer to get ready to leave, my dog was at my feet, chewing contentedly on one of his bones. Or so I thought. I realized this as I went to unplug my charger cord and wound up with half of my charger in my hand. My dog was eating my cord! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!





So this is what I ended up with. When will the chewing stop?

so now...


$85 dollars later that I definitely didn't have to spend, I have this!




Wow! I know, I know, I'm fancy!