When it comes to my friends, I can't say that I've always been the best person ever. But then again, who has? While we all wish we lived in the world that revolves around ourselves, sometimes it's easy to forget that we have to take care of those people who keep our world revolving. It's hard to imagine that the center of my friends' world's isn't me. It's hard, sometimes, not to be selfish.
For instance, a dear friend wanted my presence last night, yet, I denied him and made a situation bad before I really thought about what I was giving up. Now, I'm sure my friend will eventually forgive me, but now I have to grovel and beg for it. Do I recite all of the times before that I've been there for him? Or do I just bow my head down and think about all of the times I've repeated the same bad pattern of last night? Or do I do both? i think the latter is what's happening.
It's difficult to be angry with the people you love the most. It's even more difficult to say, "I'm sorry." Being that I've already called once, do I call over and over and over again to the point of annoying to apologize? Or do i just wait for it all to blow over and let my friend come back to me? I think that's what i should do, but I just want to get to the most wonderful moment in the world when you're forgiven and you get to go back to being best friends again.
In my experience with life, I've never had a core groups of friends until I moved to NYC. And lately, I feel like I haven't been keeping up my end of the bargain, and while I'm sure it's viewed as one reason, it's really just something else that's been keeping me from them.
And while my finances will eventually get back on track, I hope that i never lose the support from them I have found over the past five years. They are my Sex in the City sisterhood of the traveling pants, never ending best friends. To one, specifically, I'm sorry about last night. I hope you remember that I love you and I will try to be a better friend.
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