Sunday, August 22, 2010

Riggle me this, childhood heroes.

Last night, I waited on an actor named Aaron Lohr. Who? you're wondering. The star of such hit movies like Newsies, The Mighty Ducks (and their sequels), and Rent. Still not sure?

Ok so maybe that doesn't help, but when Newsies came out I was thirteen. And Aaron was my first man-crush. Since I was always super skinny as a kid, seeing this man(or teenage boy, rather) who was ripped, sparked my interest in my body. I wanted to look like this guy so badly. To the point of starting to workout in high school just to try. It didn't really work, sadly.

However, since this man was at my table and he's not a big movie star or anything, I thought I'd actually tell him that he was my hero as a kid and my inspiration for working out. This is something that is frowned upon at most restaurants and even frowned upon by myself. But, I was really ready to just say something.

SO, I walk over to his table to check on him and his friend, and as I'm about to ask if they need anything, I hear him in the middle of a story.

"so she grabs my g-string, pulls the string out of my ass and snaps it, then shoves a dollar in my pouch and spanks my ass."

Um, WHAT?????????????

What kind of conversation is that? I mean, what? So, there was no way I could tell my childhood hero that he was, in fact, my hero after I heard that! I mean, WHAT?????

Good lord. Word to the wise, waiters ARE listening when you talk at your tables.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Riggle me this, waiter rant!

As a server, and I know I write about this a lot, we are subjected to ill treatment. Actually, that's not just servers, that's anyone in the service industry. People like Steven Slater happen everyday, however, their freak-outs don't usually require the police or an inflatable slide. Sometimes, they are just your run of the mill, beat up your heart, defeating, humiliating situations in which you just don't get why they have to happen.

Last night, I was working in the club of my restaurant. I had a table of two complain to me that their service was less than perfect. I can't say I disagree with them, but their complaint was that I didn't refill their waters and I didn't get their drinks in a timely manner and I didn't check in with them enough. The man said to me, "You can ask anyone who works here, I come in all the time." My reply was, "yes I know, I've waited on you before." The man, "No you haven't." Well, I'm not really sure what to do with that because I most certainly have. I remember anyone who's asked for my name over five times. And in my defense, I filled his water about eight times in the course of thirty minutes, when he ordered his drink, I put it in the computer, then walked to the bar, then walked it back to his table. A task that took all of forty-five seconds. And in the club, I generally don't verbally check in with my tables because of the music, but how about the six or seven times I walked by your table and made direct eye contact? Does that not count as checking in? Aren't you an adult who can ask for things they need?

Anywho, that happened. Then I went over to this table of five; four men, one woman. And the woman was a total bitch. She had been dominating most of the men at the table. She even went so far as to tell one of the guys' son's that he couldn't have a coke because that was too much caffeine for how late it was. It was just a tacky move, she wasn't even the kid's mom! Anyways, I let them sit for a few minutes with dessert menu's then I went to ask them if they would like anything before the show was over. She immediately said, "JESUS! Would you stop talking to us?" I mean, what?!?!? It was 100% out of the blue. I can't even begin to figure out why that would be an outburst from her. BUt the kid at the table said, "Actually, I'd like to order something, please." There it is. Please. One of the most important words in the English language. I was damn near ready to comp anything this kid wanted just for having manners. I just think it's amazing that a woman of forty is so rude, yet this kid, clearly in her company, had wonderful manners and treated everyone with respect. It was fantastic, so it definitely made up for the bitch. A little bit.

Then the other shoe dropped. My first table that complained left after the show. The man stopped by me and said goodnight. I apologized again and he told me not to worry about it. I assumed that meant we were all cool. Oh no. Oh no no no no no no. The woman at that table came up to me and said, I shit you not, "by the way, I just wanted to let you know that you're incompetent. That's why you're just a waiter." I had no idea what to say. A million things come to my mind in retrospect. All of them equally if not more hateful than that last. But, at that moment, I was defeated. I retreated into myself and allowed all of the blather of the evening to take over and I just sank. So, I looked at her and said, "I'm sorry you feel that way," I walked away to the employee restroom and had to fight back my tears. I just don't understand. I thought, from the guy saying not to worry about it, that we were cool. I know that I messed things up a little bit. I'm not denying it. But why did she have to just dig that knife in a little bit deeper?

I've concluded that these two women, while having an attractive exterior, have dark and ugly souls and one day karma will kick them in the ass. Even if it doesn't, I still take a small bit of joy in hoping that it will.

Sunday, August 8, 2010

Riggle me this, a complaint, you say?

SO, yes, I work at a restaurant. I'm sure you all know this already. It's not the most glamorous of jobs, but it's my job. Usually, my nights are fun and kind of boring, but last night, the best thing happened. I was complained about. It doesn't happen often, but I LOVE when it does.

This woman, who was insanely skinny and beautiful stopped my manager on her way out and told her that she was irate about her experience. She was dining with her boyfriend, his sister and his mother for his birthday. The sister was a quite large woman(this is important to the story, I promise). Anywho, this woman was pissed because I was rude and condescending. She said that when someone asks a question at the table about the food, she expects a full on definition, not what I said.

Sidebar-the question asked by the large sister was, "What's the difference between marbled and lean?" So, this is a question asked by basically everyone dining at my restaurant everyday. Being that this woman was large, I was very careful not to use the word "fat." According the the skinny bitch, my response was a very bitchy, "do you kno what lean is, 'cause marbled just the opposite." The wording was spot on, but the tone was totally off. I was actually really pleasant. I asked, "do you know what lean means?" and waited politely for her to respond with a yes. Then i said very lightly, "well marbled is just the opposite." And she was very happy with that description. Apparently, skinny bitch was not.

She also said that my restaurant is very expensive and she expects top notch service when she spends so much money. First of all, it's not that expensive, especially by New York standards. Secondly, she got top notch service. I was in one of my happy moods with my tables. Literally, every other table gushed to my face about how nice and wonderful I was. So, I had no idea what her problem was.

But, she continued. She was also thinking that her sides were not delivered to the table. She said that she ordered the seasonal vegetable and it never came. Well, my manager asked is she had squash on her table. She answered yes. ANd he informed her that that was, in fact, the seasonal vegetable. Well, this kind of slowed her down, but not really.

She then spouted about how it really wasn't that important to figure out what was delivered and what wasn't, but given the circumstances, if she had not been with her boyfriend's family, she would have made a spectacular scene upon leaving. She would have let me have it and made sure the whole restaurant would have known how awful of a server I was. But, lucky for us, she was so much more classy about it and bitched out a manager in front of all of the people she didn't want to make a scene in front of. She also claimed to be a twenty percent tipper, but tonight she could only feel comfortable leaving a fifteen percent tip.

So... in response to all of this, I have this to say.

First. Me rude and condescending? Yes I am. I am very proud of it. But, sorry lady, I wasn't rude nor condescending to you. You are mistaking me being incredibly nice and wonderful to you for some sort of bullshit in your own fucked up head.

Second. Not willing to make a scene in front of your boyfriend's family? Well, too late, you certainly made one when you decided to rant about everything in front of them and the staff. I definitely heard all about what a trashy piece of shit you really are. And class? you definitely don't have it. Nor do I, because I'm blogging about how horrible you are. If either of us had any, we'd just let it go and be on our separate ways by now.

Third. Let's rethink your math. Your bill was $250. You left me $45 bucks. That's an 18% tip, not 15. So, don't think you're super smart or something, because you're not.

Fourth. Though you might be skinny and hot, your personality makes you ugly. Ugly beyond belief and I feel sad for that man if he decides to one day marry you. He's going to regret that decision for the rest of his life if he does.

So, to wrap all of this up. Bitch, you got great service. I know you think that I'm a douchebag, and to some, I am. But to you, I was amazing. I own up when things go wrong, but not one thing happened to go wrong with your table. If you had issues with things that go right in your life, then I suggest seeing a therapist for not being able to see the world as it is.

And in that, thank you for listening!

Monday, August 2, 2010

RIggle me this, WHY? WHY? WHY?

OK, so if you didn't read my previous post, then read it and come back. I'll wait.

Ok, are you back?

Yesterday, Monkey ate my cell phone. Matt being the wonderful boyfriend that he is gave me his old cell phone to use as a temporary. And guess what! I freaking lost it today. Somewhere between the lockeroom at the gym and the gym floor, I misplaced my phone and now it's gone. Good lord! I can't believe my luck is so bad today. At least I know it can't get any worse. SO now I'm off to have a wonderful rest of my day.


Riggle me this, why do you eat everything???

My dog ate my cell phone. I woke up yesterday morning to this sitting on my dresser sitting next to a perfect cell phone.
I hoped and hoped and hoped that it was Matt's phone and not mine. (Matt and I have the same phone.) I picked up the good phone, and it was matt's. My heart sank. I had to fight the urge to beat the shit out of my dog. I don't beat him, but this definitely tempted me.

Somehow he pulled it out of my shorts pocket which were folded on a chair in my bedroom. I dont' even know how he got them out.

I couldn't believe it. Sometimes I feel like I'm living in the movie "Marley and Me." There are moments that he misbehaves and I want to send him away, but other moments that I'm overjoyed and filled with love for him. BUt, this is really what my phone looks like right now, so I had to post it.

He really is the best puppy ever. I just have to remember that he's a puppy and he likes to eat things. HAHAHAHA. I mean, how could you not love that face?

Riggle me this, why is it so difficult?

I have a lot of friends who claim they are "ready for a boyfriend." I think knowing you are ready for something like that is definitely the first step towards getting what you want. But what happens next? Do you just go out and find it like a simple snap of your fingers? Do you troll the internet looking for a hookup in hopes that they might turn into something else? Or do you hit up the bars with your friends hoping that the bartender or one of the patrons might actually strike up a conversation and it could lead to something more?

I think what you're supposed to do is all of the above. I mean, really put yourself out there with the best intentions and hope for the best. I suppose that's what I did. Granted, that doesn't make me an expert, but I can at least share what I've learned.

Too often, my friends or whoever tell me that it's very difficult to meet someone. It's actually not difficult to meet anyone at all. It's difficult to find someone who's willing to jump with you; someone who's willing to put themselves in harm's way in the possibility of getting hurt. It's scary. That part is definitely something I know a lot about.

Sometimes, I wonder what made my boyfriend stay with me. I try to imagine my life without him and I simply can't. Yes, I know how lucky I am. I have someone who literally has stayed with me through a lot of bad, but also a lot of good. He is someone who supports me without question and constantly challenges me to be a better person. In the beginning of our relationship, I wasn't so aware. I was like everyone else I know; scared out of my mind.

I thought that if I was in a twosome, suddenly I lost too much of my one-ness. I thought that I would become someone I didn't know. I also thought that my life would just become so boring and I would end up resenting and regretting my choice. But now I now that it's just not how it is. I found someone who really has improved my life.

Someone told me recently that he didn't know me anymore. Well, yeah. I've become someone even I didn't know. I used to make fun of the people like me. The people who were in love. I used to joke that love was for suckers and that I would never fall in love. Here's a little secret, I only did that because I really wanted it. It was so much easier to make fun of love than own up that I was just as sappy and romantic as everyone else. So, it's easy to imagine not knowing me when I didn't let anyone know me.

But that's how it goes, right? When we're single, we tend to hold back from fear. Fear of being judged, of putting ourselves out there and getting hurt. Isn't that how it happens? We sit around and tell ourselves that we just haven't met the right one, and more importantly, it's never our own fault. We can't possibly be the ones that are crazy. We aren't the ones that do anything wrong, oh no. And if you think you haven't ever done something like this, well maybe you haven't. But chances are, you have. And it's one shitty thing to realize. Trust me, I know there are several people in this city who think I'm insane. And from their perspective, they would be right. If they knew the whole scenario, they might re-think everything. And as much as I hate to admit all of that, it's true.

However, that's not the point, now is it?

SO, back to the whole relationship thing. I know someone who recently said that it's far more easier to meet someone if you're heterosexual than homosexual. Well, that's just not true at all. I know far more straight people who are single than gays. I mean, look at how many websites we have for meeting each other. Yes, most of them are hookup sites, but they still connect us. We seemingly outnumber the straight people of the city, have so many bars and parties to go to that it seems we are in CONSTANT contact with each other. Straight girls, I think, have the worst deal in the city. They are our best friends and are always just meeting more gay men. I mean, one of my best friends has finally gotten into the habit of meeting a new gay with, "you're gay? I'm sure you're a lovely person, but I already have my quota of you people." And that's not such a bad thing to do, she needs to meet more men. As do all of the women I know.

In reality though, it's difficult to meet anyone, anywhere. THere isn't a city in the world where you won't hear single people talking about how hard it is to meet someone. But then, let's start from the beginning. Are you really ready for someone? Are you ready for someone to come into your life, possibly make a small mistake, or be rude, or take you for granted, and stay around? Now, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying mistakes like

cheating or beating you. But, I'm just wondering. Out of everyone I know that says they are ready, are you really ready for something? Or do you want something easy and one-sided? Because then you'll know.