A lot of things have happened over the past couple of weeks. But there are a few things that I know.
1. I know I hurt someone. I'm not proud of it. But, I know that I did. I wish I could take it all back, but it's just simply not possible.
2. I made an easy situation much more difficult than it needed to be. So, for once, I was knowingly the crazy guy. I was the guy that will be shunned by certain groups of people, talked about at parties. You know those conversations.
"everything was going great until he FREAKED out on me!" Yeah, I'm that guy who freaked out. It was me. Doesn't happen often but it happened.
3. I'm a product of a super loving environment and I've been blaming all of my bad relationship issues on that. Let me explain. I have parents who have been happily and lovingly married for 33 years. It is so wonderful for me to see that these two people truly do love each other, made a commitment and work through all of their issues on a daily basis. So, given that as a model for how relationships work, one would expect that I'd have no problems with it right? Well, I do. I have a lot. I have a difficult time finding rest and peace at the beginning of a relationship to let it grow and evolve into what I want. Usually, it's not a problem but lately it has been. My most recent bf and I rushed into our relationship FAR too fast. And with someone I was recently seeing, I freaked out (see number 2.)
4. It is that serious. I dedicate this to someone, you know who you are.
5. I need to get better at making choices. I've made some bad choices lately and not really thought them through as to how they would affect other people. One person was kind enough to call me out on how I was affecting him personally, and I just want to thank him. I'm no longer speaking to him (his choice), but I have a lot of respect for him because he told me pointblank how he felt about what I was doing.
6. Texting is bad.
7. AIM is bad.
8. I'm a really great friend, and a really awful bf. At least for now.
9. There's no possible way to know what's really gonna happen, but it's nice to have some insight as to what you're getting into.
10. Honesty is only as good as what you put into it. Honesty with no followthrough is Bullshit with an honesty mask on.
Have a good night everyone! I'm finally calling this day officially over and I'll try again tomorrow.