Friday, October 29, 2010

Riggle me this, asshole on the train?

It's been awhile since I've written anything, and something happened the other day that's just WAY too good not to write about. Even now, as I think about it, I get pissed off, excited, and feel the adrenaline pumping hardcore.

Wednesday morning, I was leaving to go to the gym, then work, then a bunch of stuff to do later in the evening. I took the 1 local train to 96th street and crossed the platform to transfer to the express train. I do this switch a lot, so I know exactly where I need to stand for the right car and the right door. So, I go to my spot. Very near to where I need to be standing, I saw a man standing reading his newspaper with his elbows far out to the side in a very blocked and defensive stance, almost as if he's ready for a rush of football players to come and attack him for his newspaper. I step up next to him, and I notice him jabbing his elbow at me, as if to ward me off from standing too close to him. I disregard him and wait for the train.

The train comes and I'm exactly where I need to be; just to the right side of the door so passengers can get off the train and then I can move smoothly on. The man moves to the left of the door, irritated. Most likely, it's because I got the good spot by the door. I don't really care, because I'm not completely in a rush to get to the gym anyways. But, I notice that he is overtly angry about being on the left side of the door and about the number of people getting off the train. Still, I disregard him.

Then, as I'm getting on the train, I notice one seat available, which I decide 7 inches of space isn't really a seat. As I make the mental decision to stand on the other side of the train, the man with the newspaper comes barreling through the train and knocks me to the floor of the train. Seriously, I'm on the floor. Stunned, I didn't know what to do. Being someone who normally doesn't stand up for myself, I surprised even myself when I started yelling at the man, "what the fuck? Are you kidding me? You're an asshole!" All of the obscenities I could think of, while a large black man helped me up and he was yelling at the guy, "not cool dude, you fucking prick!" Then looked at me and asked if I was ok, and of course I was fine, but just pissed at the asshole who knocked me down. And this guy helping me up was HUGE! His head was almost touching the ceiling of the train, and he weighed at least 350. I'm not even kidding.

Meanwhile, the jerk in question was flipping me off from his perch, because let's be honest, he still wasn't really sitting down in 7 inches of space. And I'm pretty sure I heard a, "fuck you, faggot," but can't be certain because I had my headphones on. So, here he is, being rude and nasty and flipping me off, and I just wouldn't, no couldn't let it go. I"m never like this. I usually let a lot of things go, but this time, I just couldn't. I was screaming at him from across the train like an idiot, and I didn't even care! It was like I was outside of my body, watching myself behave like an idiot, but unable to stop myself.

It was at that moment that I realized other people on the train were saying and yelling things at him too. What what? It was one of the many times since moving to NYC that I have felt such joy and pride and a sense of community to realize that my fellow New Yorkers were standing up for me. It was incredible. And all the man did was flip people of or say, "fuck you, -----(insert any demographical slur here)----." I mean, for real, that's all you got ass? Come on, be creative at least!

Then, the most incredible thing happened that I have ever seen! The teeny tiny old lady (i later found out she was 90) picked up her cane and smacked him in the leg! She screamed, "you fucking prick! you should have to stand!" I stopped cold. For real, a 90 year old woman. I was in heaven! But then it kept going!

The man screamed back, "fuck you, cunt! You can't hit me!"

And in a high pitched squeal she screamed back, "IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII'MMMMM NINETY! I CAN DO WHATEVER THE FUCK I WANT TO! I HOPE A PREGNANT LADY GETS ON SO I CAN BEAT THE SHIT OUTTA YOU TO GET YOUR ASS UP!" That's how I found out she was 90, btw. I am not even kidding when I tell you that if there were different levels of heaven, I was in the highest one at that moment. I literally saw Jesus come down from heaven and say, "dear steven, you're such a good person, please enjoy what is now unfolding before your very eyes." It was amazing!!!

Keep in mind that all of this happened over the course of two subway stops on the express 2 train from 96th st to 42nd st. And by the time I got off at 42nd st, the man was still getting yelled at by passengers. I couldn't believe it! I mean, wouldn't it have been easier to just go to another car? Or better yet, wouldn't it have been easier to not be a prick and knock me down in the first place?



Riggle me that, bitch!

1 comment:

Jamie B said...

Amazing!! I witnessed something like that once. This big guy was taking up 2 seats. He wasn't fat, just a solid dude. He sat with his legs spread out so no one could sit next to him. This woman got on and wanted to sit and asked him if he paid for 2 seats. He told her to fuck off and wouldn't move. Then this other guy who was standing next to me reading a book, shut his book and said, "Hey dickhead, you need to make room. You don't own this train." He told that guy to fuck off and it proceeded to have the two of them bitch at each other. Then I got off the train. It was intense! lol