Friday, June 25, 2010
There is so much on my mind. Lately, I've been incredibly depressed. I've come to the realization that I have almost everything I want in my life. I have an amazing relationship, a beautiful puppy, a wonderful home, and a steady day job that keeps me with enough money to get by. What I don't have is a career. And I'm not entirely sure what i want it to be.
I moved here to pursue my love of acting and all I've found is the frustration of auditioning. For anyone who doesn't know, it's a daily reminder that there is someone better looking, more talented, or just overall better than who you are. Yet, it's nothing personal. It's just how the blue print for a show or project fits together and we don't all fit into it the same way.
I've been writing some here and there just to get my creative juices going, but nothing is really coming together like I want. but I'm learning to be patient. If I can't book a job doing performing, then I need to create something for myself to do. I've kind of narrowed down a few jobs that I don't thin would be bad to have.
1. Personal training.
2. Teacher of yet to be determined subject
3. Pianist, but I"m not sure about this one yet.
So for now, I'm just going to write when I can, what I can, and if anyone reads this, just comment for me and let me know what you think I should end up doing. Cool?
Friday, June 4, 2010
It's been awhile since I've felt the need to post anything. No one really reads what I put up on here anyways, so it seems like it's pointless. But, then again not.
For the past few months, I've been coasting. Mostly in my chosen profession. In my day job, I succeed. In my relationships, I feel that I succeed. For what I moved here, I don't know. I don't want to or like admitting defeat, but sometimes, it seems inevitable. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the dramatic of the highs and lows and let the world seem like it's pushing down on your shoulders so hard you swear that you'll break. But then, you get back up.
But, that's the past few months. I've decided now that if my daily mantra is "it's not that serious," I should start living up to the promise right?
Well, today, and tonight, I was reminded of just how serious I've been taking my own life. I broke down in tears to a good friend at work today about how stressed out I've let myself become over a job I don't really care about. I knew that he was someone that would help me and he did. The situation just meant so much to me and it felt so good that someone was on my side. Sometimes, it just helps that someone understands what you're going through and can actually help you get what you need. To top it off, my ever-understanding and super amazing BF told me, "breathe, everything will work out." just like that. Like he just knew that everything would, in fact, work out. It's amazing that how when I can't see the forest through the trees, I have people around me that can point out what's really important.
Later, as I was walking my puppy, and he peed, as they tend to do, a junior high punk got pissed that Monkey dare pee anywhere near his vicinity. I figured, oh well. He's a kid, my dog's a dog, and that's just how things are. But, after walking my dog a few times and he peed, the kid looked at me and said, "if you're motherfucking dog pisses near me again, or bites me, i'll fucking kill him." I just looked at him and said, "i hope you have a better day." Then his mom started in on me and i think I heard the phrase, "fucking college punks and their dogs." I mean, what's more sweet than that? She thought I was in college! Score for me!!! I don't really know what all she said, but it was clear that the apple fell far from that tree.
I realized that my life isn't so serious and maybe theirs really is. It seems that just when I need a reminder that nothing is really as serious as it seems. Sometimes it takes someone else ripping into you to snap you into what's real. And what's real isn't that serious!