Sunday, July 12, 2009


I recently hung out with someone I haven't really spent much time with over the last couple of years. We had a good time spiced with a few awkward moments, but that was expected. However, just before he left, he looked at me and said, "You're a completely different person." It struck me as odd, but I brushed it off and went on my way.

As the next few days passed, I started thinking about it more. Did he mean that I'm a completely different person because I'm not as jaded as I was two years ago? Did he mean that I'm different because overall I've become someone I never thought I would? Did he mean that I've grown very satisfied in a relationship and somewhat co-dependent and two years ago I promised I never would? Did he mean I'm different because I have a new tattoo? I honestly don't know. But it just became this whole statement that I've noticed coming from more and more of my friends.

When two people meet, their paths suddenly cross and they are in each others lives. But given that some friends are made while doing a show, the business of theatre will keep them apart for a very long time. So, when one meets a friend then has a few years between times of hanging out, it's expected to notice a difference in those people. For example, when I was on tour, I was gone from NYC four a mere 4 months before I had a break to come back home. Then I went back out on the road for another 4 months. In those short 7-8 months, I felt like I was constantly changing and growing, and I'm sure I was, btu it was more concentrated in the bubble that is a tour. I was seeing the same 40 people every day. I didn't get to see my friends, I didn't get to talk to them as much as I wanted. So when I got back to NYC I felt like the the world had changed around me and I had been standing still. I immediately slipped into depression. I felt so far behind everyone. And I felt like I had missed out. When did my best friend cut her hair so short? When did another friend book his first broadway show? And another friend's mother passed away. I missed it all.

Anywho, the point is that yes I've changed a lot in the past couple of years. But I think it's all been for the best. A lot of it has to do with the person I'm dating. It's funny how much one person can influence your life. I always hear of people saying that their friends' boyfriend or girlfriend is really bad for them. I constantly hear how much people love mine. And how they think a positive influence has been made on my life. So, yes, that changes things. I'm more settled now. I'm ready to build a life with someone. A year and a half ago, I wasn't ready for that. But, sometimes when you meet someone, you just know that they're going to be in your life for a long long time. And, sadly, there are other people you meet that you know you aren't destined to be with, even when you make certain decisions. Whether that decision is getting involved when you know you shouldn't, or making the decision to walk away because you know it's the best thing for both of you even though it's difficult.

Overall, change is gradual, but when you spend so much time away from people, the change seems drastic. That's just how it is.

Change is good, and it's bad, but when it's good, everything becomes possible