Life at it's finest.

Everything is confusing. Or, rather, something is confusing for everyone. No one is exempt from this word/world. Yes, I say "word slash world" because it is a word, but the meaning is so much more. 

Some people are confused by inflation. Some people are confused by directions. Other people have bigger confusions in their life such as, Abortion, Voting, etc. These ones are slightly bigger. The realm of confusion exists for the purpose of allowing us to find out who we are. Our innate being. So, while simply ideologies and thoughts confuse us, the bigger issues are the ones that shape our lives. 

However, it doesn't just end there. The confusion begins and a person has no clue how to handle it. They know that it will inevitably shape the outcome of who they are, and once a decision is made, they will be changed. It's in the growing during the decision process that we become our true selves. Adding in the weighted factor of how outside people respond to us during our state of confusion. It's in this process that we truly learn more about ourselves. 

I'm no stranger to confusion. If anyone's ever heard the song "Hot 'n Cold" by Katy Perry, you would think the song was written for me. My grandma used to call me "Contrary" when I was a kid, and to this day, does so on occasion. It's not really something I'm proud of, but it is something I'm aware of. So, having said that, it's probably time to let everyone know that I've been more confused about my life and it's direction this year than ever before. I almost quit acting entirely after several years of growing success. I ended a relationship that wasn't quite right for me at the time, and even if we'd had adequate time before we were separated, I'm not sure we'd have made it. 

I then spent my summer dating a few people. Narrowing it down, I found that I was truly torn. I eventually chose a path to continue forward with, and I'm pretty sure I did the right thing. However, I know there are situations I handled poorly this summer. I could have been more clear with people about what I wanted from the beginning. And in the midst of all of my own personal confusion, I let them get hurt. For that, I'll be forever regretful. I wish I could go back and fix the damage I've caused, but the fact is, I know that I can't, and I'll just have to live with that knowledge. 

So now where does that leave me? Am I free of confusion? Not entirely. But, I'm getting there. Life all about enjoying the process and the journey or something like that, so I'm trying to find my way back to the more enjoyable path I started just a few years ago. And yes, I've made some mistakes, but I can't let those mistakes eat away at me forever, or I'll lose my mind. And I'm sure there will be more confusion headed my way any day now, but hopefully I'll be able to turn to my friends for support and get through it.