Getting by...

I've been in a funk lately. Not just a "it'll be better in a day or two" kind of thing. But I've been down. Now, I know that eventually it will get better. Deep in my heart I know I will be ok. But is it alright to just be ok? 

Usually, I don't know the cause of what's going on inside my head. I have crazy emotions that I struggle to define at times. It's as though I can sense the emotion, but lack the awareness of the cause. But, unfortunately for me, and some people around me, I know the cause. And equally unfortunate is that I lack the ability to do much about it without shocking the system. It doesn't have to be like that, but for me to achieve my ultimate goal in life, I'll most likely have to. 

So now that I have for myself identified why I'm being down, it's easy to start formulating plans to make it better. It's easy to look at the situation with some clarity and even easier to start being positive about life now that I know what's bringing me down. But, the plans I make to start pulling myself out of this aren't easy. People are going to end up with hurt feelings, broken hearts and will just end up damaged; myself included. Is that the price we have to pay for happiness in life, hurting other people and yourself just to get somewhere?

I am hoping that it doesn't have to be that bad, but maybe it does. But, the best part about it is that I know what I want. Even if I can't get it, I know it now. More than ever I know, and that's just half of the battle, right? And now that I know, I have to be persistent, patient, and some other "p" word that I can't think of right now to get what I want. And what I want will come to me in time. I know it will.