Riggle me this, dog poop!

So, I frequently see this sign while I'm walking my dog, but for once, I actually stopped to look and think about what this sign means.




My first thought was, "wow, that's a wide range of a fine." I mean, come on $25-200? That means a lot. I just don't understand what would constitute a $25 fine, something small? Like having your dog off their leash? Is that all it would take? Or if you don't clean up their pee? I don't get it. But then I thought about what would constitute a $200 fine? If your dog struts up to a cop standing nearby and just takes a good old fashioned dump on his foot? 'Cause, ya know, that would piss me off, too!

BUt, the more I thought about this sign, I realized that these signs are all over the city, and yet, I still step in dog shit from irresponsible pet owners who don't clean up after their dogs. I almost feel like I should be like Barney Fife and scream "citizen's arrest! citizen's arrest!" at the people I see leaving a mess behind. There is one bitch on my street who put's her dog into the fenced in tree area and lets her dog go, and assumes that it's appropriate to not clean it up.

She assumes incorrectly.

It's a horrible thing that too many people have just let go and part of the reason why my dog can't go to many area's of public parks or even certain parts of the city that he should be allowed to go. That old adage, one bad apple will spoil the bunch has really rung true in my life. So, in the spirit of the old bitch who tried to tell me that my dog needs a coat in the cold, I would like to tell all of you fuckers who don't clean up your dog shit that if I see you doing it, I will not only rub your dog's shit in your face, I will run down to where this sign is posted, steal it, and then come and bitch slap your dog shitty face with it, and then call the police.

Will I really do that? Most likely not, but that imagry will be playing in my head when I see it.

Riggle me that!

RIggle me this, Shitheads!

Ok, so a lot has been going on and I've done little or nothing about keeping everyone informed of the idiocy that I'm faced with on a daily basis.

First up, let's begin with my bar and what happened with a wonderful old couple sat at one end on a random saturday afternoon. I said hello to them and they said hi back. Right off the bat, things looked good and everything seemed ok with them. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Then the man ordered a drink.
"Yeah, I'll have a blood orange margarita. No salt, and ice on the side."

Me: "Ok." Then I hesitated. Because ice on the side could mean several things, so I ask, "would you like the drink chilled at all? or just straight no ice?"

Him, "No ice at all."

I said, "ok," and went about making the drink. As I was making it, he looked at me and asked, "would you like to know why I want it that way?" "No, I don't," was the first thing that popped into my head, but it wasn't like I could avoid his next statement.

"See, it's like when I'm at McDonald's and I order a coke. If I let them make it with ice, I don't get as much soda as when I ask for it with ice on the side. Well, it's the same thing here. This way I get more alcohol. Aren't I smart?"

At this moment, I wished sooooooooo badly that I could have been mean to him. Not only was he wrong, but just overall stupid. However, I made a huge mistake that I wish now I could take back. I said to him, "actually, you get the same legal amount of alcohol regardless of how much ice is in it." I think about this statement now and I just wish I could go back and hit myself over the head before the words escaped my lips. Because it opened the flood gates of an old man yelling at me about how he was right.

After a few minutes of listening to this, I smiled and said, "ok," then went to get his beer. On my way back to deliver it, he was telling his wife about how he expects people to just make the drinks the way he asks, and "i can't believe they always just try to tell me how it is, and I just want a drink made the way I want it without question, is that so much to ask for?" Apparently it is, if you're mistaking telling people your opinion for them schooling you, you ass-tard.

But, it gets better.

He goes to order. Two things. That's it, just two items off the menu. But, he told me about 4 or 5 times what he wanted as to ensure my stupid-ass wouldn't forget in the amount of time it took me to turn around and ring it in. And then, to make it worse, I asked him, "will you be sharing this?" because his wife hadn't ordered anything. His response? Oh it was amazing.

"Nah, she's too fat, she doesn't get to eat."

Priceless. Stupid AND a charmer. I mean, what??? Was he serious? I honestly couldn't tell, and his wife just sat there not saying anything so great, she's an idiot too. Man, this guy must be loaded to put up with that much bullshit. I mean, come on! And to make it worse, when I gave them their requested bill, he looked at me and said, "you'll have to get money from this bitch(indicating his wife), I don't pay for service."

I just made an awkward face and said, "ooooooooookkkk"

I mean, what else was there to do?

Shithead number one.

Shithead number two came in the form of an old lady who lives on my street. This afternoon she decided to tell me a thing or two about raising my dog.

I took him on a relief walk (for non pet owners, it's a short walk intended for them to do their bathroom business and that's it, a normal walk is just for exercise). So, as I was walking him, this lady approached me and asked if she could pet him. I said yes without even thinking because hell, she was so nice already. Then the shoe dropped.

She said to me, "I see you and the other guy walking him a lot, and i just think it's sad that this cutie has such irresponsible owners to just walk him without a coat. It's so cold outside."

I thought she was kidding. I was stunned.

She went on, "you see, a dog like this only has one coat of fur and it's like human hair, so he's really really cold."

Still shocked, I replied angrily and yelling, "Are you kidding? He has two coats, he's not like some 5 lbs little Yorkie. Mind your own business, you bitch! I'm not irresponsible? Who the fuck are you?"

To which she told me that if she saw my dog again without a coat on, that she would call the cops on me.

I mean, for real! Several things about this bother me.

1. My dog has two coats of fur, trust me when I tell you how nervous I am for spring when he sheds his undercoat. It won't be cute at my apt.
1a. Mind your own business.

2. It's not a legal issue to put or not put a coat on a dog when it's cold outside.
2a. Mind your own fucking business.

3. Mind your own business.
3a. Oh yeah, mind your own business.

And there you have douchebags of the day.


Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, Jumbled slew of information.

IT's be a little bit since I've written anything, but it seems like nothing major has been happening. But it has been! Hooray!


So, I've been writing scripts lately. And immediately upon finishing them, I've been sending them to Matt to read. It's kinda nerve wracking. So, last week, I finished a script that I wrote in my bedroom, and emailed it to Matt, who was in the living room. Not wanting to be around while he read it, I stayed in my room. A few minutes go by and I hear Matt laughing. Not just laughing, but loudly giggling. "This is great," I thought, "what I wrote is really funny!" I was so proud of what I wrote. I couldn't believe it. So fast forward to a few minutes later and Matt comes to tell me that he liked my script a lot. I asked him which part he was laughing so hard at. His response? "Oh, I saw something my mom wrote on Facebook." My ego was crushed.


A few days ago, I came home to see a few women standing at the elevator door banging it. My first thought was that hitting the door wouldn't really help. A few minutes later, I came back downstairs and saw a new group of people hitting the door again. Not the same ones, but new people. And i just thought to myself, "what do they think? That there is some little elevator monkey churning a crank and hitting the door will alert him more than pushing the button will?" I just want to pass by and not see people hitting a door.


Then, last night, I was at the bar and a girl ordered a glass of wine and a beer. So I set them down and told them that it would be $14. They looked very puzzled. So I waited for them to pay and one of them, very confused, asked, "are the $7 each?" I replied, "no the beer is 5 and the wine is 9." They paid and still looked very confused. So then about twenty minutes go by and the girl with the wine looks at me and says, "I'm sorry, I"m really confused, but the board up there behind you says this wine is five dollars, did you guys change your prices?" Now, I was the one that was confused. I turn and look behind me at the board and it said Wishing Tree Shiraz '05. I looked back at her and said, "Oh that's the year, not the price" She responds with, "the what?" I told her, "that's the vitange." Again, she seemed a little bit confused. Now, I know I promised I would be nice this year, and I was nice to her, but I still couldn't shut of my head. I was so embarrassed for her, I couldn't stand it! I mean, who has glasses of wine for $5? And further more, we have vintages that are '04, so who would sell wine for $4? So, I couldn't really control my laughter. I felt bad. So then, about twenty minutes later, she pulled one of the bartenders aside and said, "Can you please tell that guy(me) that I wasn't embarrassed?" um, what??? Ok, first of all, you should have been embarrassed and if you weren't, you should be now because you had to proclaim that you weren't. I mean, what?

People are stupid.


Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, New Year!

Happy happy new year!!!

I hope everyone who actually reads this doesn't mind a little positivity coming your way. I've decided to be nice. Yes, I've actually made a new year's resolution. I never believed in them before and usually I tend to make a resolution on my birthday as opposed to the new year, but I'm trying something new.

So, I've made this resolution to be nicer. I know, some of you are wondering how someone as sweet as myself could get any nicer, but trust. I can. And now that I've made this resolution, I'm having more problems than ever. I can't stop the meanness in my head. It's like the moment I committed to be nicer, the funniest and meanest shit pops into my head.

And it's not like I can control it, but, for real, the universe is not without a sense of humor. I get it. You give me wit and cleverness when I can't do anything about it.


In other events, I had to work on new years eve, which was fine with me because I saw, after work, what I missed out in the big scary world of NYC.

Seriously, it was hilarious. I left work around 1:45 AM and saw immediately near my restaurant a woman puking in the snow. She was wearing high heels, a skirt a bra and an open trenchcoat. Somehow in the course of the evening she, like Michelle, couldn't find her top.

Then a few blocks over, closer to the 1 train on seventh avenue, a very large man wearing only a speedo and flip-flops was also puking in the snow.

Somehow I missed the memo on scantily clad snow puking. I mean, who sends those out, Mark Zuckerberg? Is he in charge of this?

So then, the next morning, the first day of the year, of course I have to work! So I get on the subway to head downtown. I select the last car on the train and, as per usual, it's empty. Except one man, who is dancing around in the car. I get on anyways and just figure I'll stick to myself.

This man became the most amazing thing I've ever witnessed on the subway before. He was dancing with his backpack in the crook of his arm like he was holding a handbag. His backpack had his initials embroidered on it with a sign on it saying, "if you find me lost somewhere please return me to this address." And obviously there was an address, but i couldn't read it clearly.

As we traveled, more and more people boarded the train and simply pretended that this man didn't exist. I mean, why would anyone pay attention to an adult man dancing? But then he begain singing and quoting movies from the forties and fifties. Then, out of nowhere, he started shrieking in this high pitched voice, "Judy! Judy Jetson!" He kept on talking and somehow got from Judy Jetson to Judy Garland and said, "Judy's dead. there's not place like home, there's no place like home!" And with that, he began clicking his heels together! I was in heaven. Seriously, this was actually happening. I was losing my mind.

Then, a woman seated across from me pulled out a bag of pretzels to give to her daughter, and suddenly his high pitched voice thing stopped and he said, in his regular, deep voice, "Oh, may i have a handful of your pretzels please?" Of course she gave him some, because I mean, how do you not? So, he got the pretzels and continued dancing and still, STILL, most of the people on the train were ignoring this man. I seriously do not understand how they could.

And with only one stop, for me, to go, he sat down next to me and asked so politely, "do you mind if I watch you play your video game, sir?" I died. I was pissing myself at this point, i mean, what?

So I have decided that this man is either autistic, or is the greatest actor to ever live, because it was genius.

And I've concluded that 2011 is going to be a great year because of this day.

Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, Spirit Fingers.

I love riding on airplanes, but I have really awful luck. Generally speaking, I’m a pretty small person. I mean, I know that I have a lot of muscle, but I mean, come on, I’m not very big. And if you don’t know what I look like, well, that sucks for you. Just know that 6’0” 170lbs person isn’t very big.

As we all know, airplane seats are tiny. Jetblue isn’t so bad because they’ve actually added room, and until today, I thought Jetblue was lying. Today, I took a flight on Spirit Airlines. First of all, they charge for everything. And it’s a joke to them. they make a reference at the beginning of the flight that they offer smiles for free. The captain even said, “And today we’re offering a special deal, for every smile you give us, we’ll give you two in return. Here at Spirit, we don’t charge for smiles, but we charge for everything else.” Hmmm. I don’t see that getting picked up anytime soon as some genius marketing tag line. But maybe I should write a letter to let them know. Maybe they should add, “We’re not happy unless you’re unhappy.”

But, I digress. Back to the size of seats. Until today, I had thought that Jetblue was lying about the extra room. Jetblue feels like the spacious countryside compared to Spirit Airlines. There’s maybe about 7” of space between the back of one seat and the front side of the seat you get. And forget about have room on the actual seat. I mean, if my butt fits snuggly in the seat, it’s small, and I have a big ass, people. I’m serious. I have a 28” waist and have to wear 31” jeans for a reason, and it’s not to sag them to my knees, either. So lack of space is the first problem.

Secondly, something I ALWAYS have to deal with on a plane is that in my neighboring seats are the largest people alive. Notice that I didn’t say fat. Large people sometimes are just large people. Today on my flight, I got to sit next to two rather large latin men. I call them men, but that’s just because they are males. In reality, they were boys. Children of a nice age of, I’d guess early twenties; immature beyond belief and just annoying. However, they were HUGE. I saw them get on the plane and just knew they were in my row (for clarity purposes, I should tell you that I had a window seat.) The first guy got on and looked about 6’5”. That’s tall. And weighed a good 225lbs. Again, not fat, but just a large person. And his friend got on just behind him was about a good two inches taller and weighed a solid twenty pounds more. And yes, I was right! They both had to have the seats in my row.

So this is how it went down. First they asked if one of them could have the window. I declined, only because they wanted me to sit between them. Yeah, right, like I’m that stupid. Secondly, they were the type of guys who say the word “bro” but don’t really pronounce it correctly. They say, “bra.” This was incredibly fun for me from the beginning. Once they sat down, I thought to myself, “I’ll just go to sleep and everything will be ok.” Wrong. When there is no room to get comfortable for a small person, there’s even less room for a large person. The guy in the middle seat really had no room for anything, but I eventually had to ask him to remove his extremities from my seat, because let’s be real, it’s my seat, not his, so regardless of how much room he doesn’t have, he isn’t entitled to what I paid for, even if I’m not using it.

So, I tried to sleep, to no avail, not because of lack of space but because they kept saying things like, “Quit touching my leg with yours, faggot,” “Bra, don’t touch me, I’m not your boyfriend,” “ I wish we had just bought out this whole row so we didn’t have to be like a gay couple cramped in here.” I was kinda surprised, but not really. I mean, they had Neanderthal written all over their faces. So, I mean, when you’re locked into a space smaller than the overhead compartment by two huge looking jock guys, who are not only bigger than you, but most likely have a scathing temper, it’s difficult to make a stand. I’m not a fighter, so I say nothing. In retrospect, I probably should have stood up for myself, but I mean, I had three hours facing me next to these douchebags. But I didn’t the next best thing.

I opened up my laptop and began writing, but what I forgot is that the main picture on my screen is a picture of me and my boyfriend. Score one for the faggot! I forgot all about it. So it gave me an idea. I opened up my photo section of my computer and went to work on a compilation video I’ve been working on of me and my boyfriend. It’s nothing but pictures of just the two of us, and yes, pictures of us kissing. I figured, hey, why not let them know subtly that I’m gay and they suck, in the really bad way.

So the guy sitting next to me practically leans over and puts his head smack in front of my screen. He said to me, “Bra, is that your boyfriend?” I replied yes, then he leaned over and said something to his friend, leaned back to me and said, “That’s cool, Bra.”


They didn’t say another word to me, and pretty much gave me even more room after that.

Riggle me that, Spirit Airline Assholes!

Riggle me this, FedEx Driver

So, today one of the most horrible fears of mine almost came true. I almost lost the life of my wonderful boyfriend, Matt in a near fatal collision.

Let me explain.

Today we went to the gym like normal, perhaps a little bit later in the day than we had originally planned. Upon leaving the gym on 38th St, we decided to head over to the holiday market in Bryant Park looking for fun gifts and whatnot. So we leave the gym and head towards Broadway.

Once at the intersection, we waited for the light to change and to get the solid white light of the pedestrian to know that we had the right of way to cross the street. We got the light and began heading into the street when out of nowhere, a fedex truck comes flying around the corner and nearly hits us both, actually hitting Matt's hand.

We both jumped back to the sidewalk in shock. I mean, we live in NYC, it's not uncommon to have cars almost hit you, but this was WAY closer than it's ever been for either one of us. I mean, my life flashed before my eyes and that truck wasn't as close to me as it was Matt. I even found myself trying to pull him back from the street, even though his instincts were quicker than mine and he was already back on the curb.

Then Matt took off down the street yelling at the driver, who was stopped at the next light. I followed suit and screamed just as loud as Matt. It was like I was outside of my body watching myself scream at the prick who had almost drastically changed my life. The driver got out of the car and while he tried to calm things down so he wouldn't get into trouble by saying that he "honked his horn as he made the turn" (that never happened, btw, there was no horn honking for once in the history of NYC driving) I took a photo of his license plate with my phone. Thank GOD for technology.

I even recall getting in the mans face and yelling, "see that plate? that number is going to the police. Say goodbye to your job!" yes, this might all sound extreme, but I have to ask you, what would you do in my situation to someone who may have killed your partner. And while I hate that word, it makes the most sense to use it right now. Because if you're married, that person is, in fact, your partner. And that person, Matt, is my partner. We've been through too much good and bad not to be considered as such and this man just about drove over all of my own personal dreams. I was PISSED!

So, leaving the scene of a scared man, Matt and I still shaking, I dialed the number to FedEX to make a formal complaint before I called the police (i ended up not calling the police because of the phone call I made to fedex). I received a polite young lady on the phone who audibly gasped when I told her what had happened. She immediately tried to apologize and console me by telling me that she completely understood my anger and assured me that this would all be dealt with. She had to fill out a formal complaint, which would be sent to the station in which he worked, and then took all of my information in which to follow up, and also assured me that this man would be immediately suspended, if not removed from their employment.

That's when I started feeling bad. I didn't want the guy to lose his job. I didn't want to be the cause of someone getting fired around the holidays. But, then I hung up the phone, still shaking from the ordeal and it hit me; Matt could have died. He could have been lying in the street under a FedEx truck and then what? A thought that I shudder to even think about.


At that moment, I knew I did the right thing by calling. And if I had it to do all over again, I'd still chose to call. In the moments after I hung up the phone, it hit me hard at how close Matt came to getting hit by a truck. My world would be over. Even now as I think of it, it's difficult to hold back tears and be sad, but as sad as that thought makes me, I'm equally grateful that he is fine.

And maybe I should have called the police, but I"m happy with what I did today. It's unusual of me to stand up for anything, but it came so easily to me today that I know what I did was right, and luckily Matt is ok. :)

Riggle me this, Really?

The other day, I was on the train heading downtown. I got in and sat down. On one side of me, there was one empty seat. On the other side there were three empty seats. I was really comfortable and peacefully listening to my ipod. It was a pretty good day so far.
Until some asshole got on the train.

This douchebag had his sunglasses on still, because you know how bright the lights are on the subway. And then decided to take up all three seats next to me. And this guy legit needed two, but took up three because he needed to spread his legs out to each side as far as they would go.

OK pause. What gives, guys? Why do you need to have your legs as wide apart as they will go when you sit? Are you airing out your tiny peenie? Or are you that insecure in your own masculinity tat you need to protect yourself from touching anyone else around you? I don't get it.

Anywho, back to the d-bag. He sits down, excuse me, postulates almost an entire row of seats, and begins CHOMPING on his gum. I'm a gum chewer and I understand that sometimes you make noise when you chew. However, this guy's mouth was totally open and he was destroying his gum. He actually almost looked like some sort of farm animal, namely a cow or a llama, and just went to town on this crap in his mouth. It was annoying. So, I did what anyone would do, I just turned up my music to ignore him, but no such luck. Rather than blast my ear drums out, I decided to keep my music low and just deal.

Oh and did I mention that two babies on the train were screaming their heads off, too? Because they were. Keep that in mind for this next part.


As we were nearing my station of departure, the man turns to me and says, between chomps, "Can you turn down your music, it's really annoying?" WHAAAATTTTTTTTTTTT???

I didn't know what to do or say. I mean, are you freaking kidding me with this? And granted, there were only about 30 more seconds until we were at the station I needed to leave from, so I just turned and looked at him with my bitchy stare, turned back to my original direction and turned my music up. Fuck you asshole!


Riggle me that.

Riggle me this, WTF?!?

Ok, so the worst day of the week happened yesterday.


I was at work and it felt like it was the day of me getting the shit beaten out of myself. Within the first few minutes I dropped a full bottle of wine on my head. So now I have the biggest bump on my head ever. Then, about thirty minutes later, I banged my knee into a speed well on the bar, but then made it worse while putting things away in our keg room and I twisted that same knee.

So far, it wasn't so wonderful. BUt it kept going.

I then was putting something away behind the bar, and while I was crouched down, three glasses fell off the bar and hit my back. So, at this point, I've hurt my head, my knee, and my back. Awesome, right?

Then, I broke a glass at one end of the bar, while someone else broke one at the service bar area. I cleaned up my own spill without a problem, then while I was cleaning up the other broken glass, a small sliver cut my hand open. AMAZING! This was turning out to be the best day ever.

SO I leave the bar to clean up my hand and when I come back to the bar, one of the servers was just leaned up against the bar and just took one look at me and punched me in the chest. Not hard, but hard enough to throw me off my balance and piss me off. I flipped out. I started speaking incredibly loud at him. "DO NOT TOUCH ME! Don't ever punch me like that."

His response was, "Man you're just so fit, I wanted to know what it was like to just punch you." WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT???? are you kidding me with this? For real? He just said that?

SO I said to him, "That's insane, you just punched me."

To which he says, "I'm sorry I thought you could handle it."

Again, WHAAAAAAAAT???? SO I just say to him, "That's not the point, but you just threw me off my balance and scared the fuck out of me. Don't ever touch me again."


I"M sure the conversation was a little bit different than what I just wrote, but I was so angry that I can't remember all of it. BUt I mean, come on! You don't just punch someone. I mean, I used to have an understanding with one Miss Mattie Bugg and she punched me all the time, but it was just for fun and play. I don't like this guy to begin with and so the fact he just punched me wasn't going to cement our friendship.


But then a few minutes later, a girl server came up to me and said, "Steven, I've never seen you reprimand someone before. THat was scary!"

And a few other male servers told me that I was going to actually punch the guy back. They thought it was just going to be a big ole bar brawl. HAHA


I mean, I never get really mad, but seriously, you fucking punched me. What did you expect. I suspect the guy was drunk, or on something, but who just goes off and hits someone else?

Riggle me that!

Riggle me this, A-list=Asshole

So much has been going on and I just haven't had the time write anything about it.


So this past Monday night, I worked this event for a benefit for the Ali Forney center. The host of the evening invited me and Matt to bartend for the entire event. It was a wonderful event that helps out a really great cause and I was truly honored to be a part of the entire thing.

I didn't really know what to expect when I got there, but it turns out they found a liquor sponsor to donate a product for the event. GIVEN, pronounced jee-vahn. The man who created this product even decided to be there for the event to make sure things went well. This liqueur is a combination of Tequilla, lime juice, and sauvignon blanc grapes. Sounds gross right? Well, it was not so bad, but it ended up being kinda disgusting after the second or third drink.

So we get there to bartend for the green room before and during the show, and then pour drinks for the after party. Sounds simple enough, and everything was going so well until around eight o'clock, when we had been there for a few hours already, two new bartenders show up that had been hired by the guy with the alcohol. I was stumped. What I didn't really understand was if the guy who owned the alcohol was going to his his own people to run the event, why did I have to be there at all? I didn't mind, but it was just one of those things. Ya know?

So, it was a guy and a girl. Horribly stupid and just ignorant. The guy was someone who works through model bartenders. If you have never heard of this, check out the website (you have to google it because I refuse to support the site through my own.).
It's basically a site dedicated to catering events that need bartenders, but if you want someone pretty, then you go through them to hire the models who like to call themselves "bartenders." Basically just pretty people trying to do something that other people do for a living.

And yes, this guy was gorgeous, but a total tool. Yes, I said that lovely term from the nineties; tool. He was the complete embodied definition of this word, in slang form. He just kept talking about what he knew about spirits in general, and how he works for this model bartender thing, and blah blah blah. Keep in mind he kept explaining our product to people incorrectly. But then the pinnacle moment came when he, once again, was explaining what he was doing with his life, defined himself as a "mixologist."


My jaw hit the floor. WHHAAAAAAAAAAAT???? I had three reactions to this. 1. In my head, I punched him in the face. And thinking about it again, I mentally punched him in the face again. 2. I had to wonder if he even knew what that word meant. And 3. I wanted to lean over and say, "Sweetie, I know you think you have a big dick, but um, no."

I mean, for real.


But, the night got even better!

Two cast members from the mis-hit show, the A-list, on LOGO, were there to help with the event. Ryan, a successful hair stylist, and TJ, his assistant. If you don't watch the show, you're really not missing anything, but to recap quickly, these two are very outspoken, especially TJ, and they also seem to have taken on the roles of the dictators of public etiquette. They tell just about everyone on the show how to behave in public. So, from watching the show, I had originally determined that Ryan and TJ were somehow redeemable. Then they showed up in public. Ryan still isn't so bad. But TJ. FOr Real. Let's discuss.

There were several moments when a few broadway stars were warming up in the green room and all TJ could say to one of his friends was, "this is my hell. I can't believe I have to sit through this shit." WHAT? Then standing outside of the performance space and talking shit to anyone who would listen about the people on stage performing. WHAT WHAT? and then overall just being a catty bitch to everyone. I mean I couldn't believe it. I really felt like the show tried so hard to say "look everyone, this is the rich gay life that you should want." Well, those people are assholes. And if that's the rich gay life, I don't want it. I'd rather just be poor and happy.

And where do you get off criticizing broadway performers who just want to help make a difference in the world? People are utilizing their talents to make things better. And what are you doing, TJ? You're an assistant. You organize someone else's fabulous life and because you're loud and obnoxious, you landed yourself on television. Good for you! You've made a living just riding on the coattails of someone else, and someone that makes you entitled, right? I mean, that's what your behavior tells everyone. So, grow the fuck up, because no one gives a shit how many parties you get into, or how many people know who you are, you are still a trashy human being who doesn't know the first thing about humanity.


So on that happy note, I hope you all go out into the world and spread happiness!!!

Riggle me this, funny man.

I apologize for not having written in awhile. It's been a hectic couple of weeks and I've been busy writing other things. But, I can't control the urge to write this week about things that I am thankful for.

Yes, it's that time of year that the day of thanks roles around and we all start getting a little misty eyed telling everyone we know how grateful and "thankful" we are that they are around. Or maybe it's the one time a year you call your grandmother. I think all of that is bullshit. I, personally, like to give thanks everyday for what I've been given. I'm not really trying to say, "i'm better than you," but, ok, maybe a little. HAHA. Just kidding.



Kind of.

Anywho, without sidetracking anymore, today I want to give a "thankful" shout out to the people in NYC who have conversations or just blurt things out that I am eternally grateful for being within earshot to catch it.

First up. Tonight while at the vet clinic, Matt and I were sitting patiently waiting for our dog's prescription and a woman wandered into the clinic with her dog. WHen asked if she needed anything, she responded with, "I'm not exactly sure if I do or not. I just encountered a woman on the street who came up to me and told me my dog was beautiful. Then she preceded to tell me that she is a dog whisperer and that my dog wanted to tell me that she has fun and fun and fun all the time, but when she walks, her back legs hurt a little."

Perplexed was pretty much everyone in the room. For real? A woman just walked up to you on the street and proclaimed being a dog whisperer? Crazy. Needless to say, the people in the clinic told her not to listen to strange people on the street about dogs. Especially one who claims they can tell you what your dog thinks. I mean, really?


NEXT

Last night in our jazz club, the musician came up to me and complimented the drink that I had made him. Then he furthered it by telling me how happy I made him during the show because when I had to shake a cocktail during the show, I was in rhythm with the band. He then said, "Yeah man, it was, it was almost spiritual, it was so beautiful. That's what you are. Beautiful."

Um, awkward?



And Lastly for my most recent funny situation.


A woman came up to the bar and was buying something with a credit card. When I gave her the slip to sign with a pen, she complained that the pen didn't work. I found that funny because I had just used that pen for something else. So I gave her another pen to use. As she began trying to sign her name, she, once again, told me that my pens weren't working. She was actually a little irritated with me and my useless pens. I looked over and saw the problem. I reached over and just clicked that little button at the top of the pen to push out the ballpoint. Problem solved.

I felt like God gave me a fun little gift with that one.



So thank you world for just giving me fun little things to laugh about, as well as some random pictures of things I've seen in NYC that made me laugh as well.