First up, let's begin with my bar and what happened with a wonderful old couple sat at one end on a random saturday afternoon. I said hello to them and they said hi back. Right off the bat, things looked good and everything seemed ok with them. Nothing too out of the ordinary. Then the man ordered a drink.
"Yeah, I'll have a blood orange margarita. No salt, and ice on the side."
Me: "Ok." Then I hesitated. Because ice on the side could mean several things, so I ask, "would you like the drink chilled at all? or just straight no ice?"
Him, "No ice at all."
I said, "ok," and went about making the drink. As I was making it, he looked at me and asked, "would you like to know why I want it that way?" "No, I don't," was the first thing that popped into my head, but it wasn't like I could avoid his next statement.
"See, it's like when I'm at McDonald's and I order a coke. If I let them make it with ice, I don't get as much soda as when I ask for it with ice on the side. Well, it's the same thing here. This way I get more alcohol. Aren't I smart?"
At this moment, I wished sooooooooo badly that I could have been mean to him. Not only was he wrong, but just overall stupid. However, I made a huge mistake that I wish now I could take back. I said to him, "actually, you get the same legal amount of alcohol regardless of how much ice is in it." I think about this statement now and I just wish I could go back and hit myself over the head before the words escaped my lips. Because it opened the flood gates of an old man yelling at me about how he was right.
After a few minutes of listening to this, I smiled and said, "ok," then went to get his beer. On my way back to deliver it, he was telling his wife about how he expects people to just make the drinks the way he asks, and "i can't believe they always just try to tell me how it is, and I just want a drink made the way I want it without question, is that so much to ask for?" Apparently it is, if you're mistaking telling people your opinion for them schooling you, you ass-tard.
But, it gets better.
He goes to order. Two things. That's it, just two items off the menu. But, he told me about 4 or 5 times what he wanted as to ensure my stupid-ass wouldn't forget in the amount of time it took me to turn around and ring it in. And then, to make it worse, I asked him, "will you be sharing this?" because his wife hadn't ordered anything. His response? Oh it was amazing.
"Nah, she's too fat, she doesn't get to eat."
Priceless. Stupid AND a charmer. I mean, what??? Was he serious? I honestly couldn't tell, and his wife just sat there not saying anything so great, she's an idiot too. Man, this guy must be loaded to put up with that much bullshit. I mean, come on! And to make it worse, when I gave them their requested bill, he looked at me and said, "you'll have to get money from this bitch(indicating his wife), I don't pay for service."
I just made an awkward face and said, "ooooooooookkkk"
I mean, what else was there to do?
Shithead number one.
Shithead number two came in the form of an old lady who lives on my street. This afternoon she decided to tell me a thing or two about raising my dog.
I took him on a relief walk (for non pet owners, it's a short walk intended for them to do their bathroom business and that's it, a normal walk is just for exercise). So, as I was walking him, this lady approached me and asked if she could pet him. I said yes without even thinking because hell, she was so nice already. Then the shoe dropped.
She said to me, "I see you and the other guy walking him a lot, and i just think it's sad that this cutie has such irresponsible owners to just walk him without a coat. It's so cold outside."
I thought she was kidding. I was stunned.
She went on, "you see, a dog like this only has one coat of fur and it's like human hair, so he's really really cold."
Still shocked, I replied angrily and yelling, "Are you kidding? He has two coats, he's not like some 5 lbs little Yorkie. Mind your own business, you bitch! I'm not irresponsible? Who the fuck are you?"
To which she told me that if she saw my dog again without a coat on, that she would call the cops on me.
I mean, for real! Several things about this bother me.
1. My dog has two coats of fur, trust me when I tell you how nervous I am for spring when he sheds his undercoat. It won't be cute at my apt.
1a. Mind your own business.
2. It's not a legal issue to put or not put a coat on a dog when it's cold outside.
2a. Mind your own fucking business.
3. Mind your own business.
3a. Oh yeah, mind your own business.
And there you have douchebags of the day.
Riggle me that!
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