I love that I embarrassed the HELL out of a girl at whole foods in Union Square last week. I got my food and went upstairs to the eating area, completely alone. Well, there were lots of other people there, so I was as alone as I could be for NYC. As I'm eating, I look around and see this girl staring at me. I kind of stare back, in case I can recollect how I must know her. I was stumped. I gave up. I started looking out the window and out of the corner of my eye, I sense/see her approaching me. I couldn't not have been more blown away by the following conversation...
"Hi," she said kind of shy and a little hesitant. "I thought I'd make this a little less awkward."
"Um, awkward?" I couldn't hide my surprise. I really had no clue where I knew her from, but maybe I did. I was desperately racking my brain for clues to how I knew her.
"Yeah, we met a few weeks ago," she said, in my mind I immediately rejoice because know I MUST know her, then she continued, "at Zanzibar."
I think my face fell flat. For anyone who's not NYC based, Zanzibar is a place in Hell's Kitchen that I prefer not to go to. However, about once a year, some girl I know will inevitably have a birthday party there that I have to attend. But, to my luck, I haven't been to this bar in well over two years.
"I think you've got the wrong person, Miss. I haven't been to that bar in a REALLY long time."
"No, no, it was you. I would recognize you anywhere." She was sweet and laying on some girlish charm, sadly, that was completely wasted on me. "You live uptown right?"
"Yes, I live in Harlem." I couldn't believe I even told her the section of town I lived in, because I knew for sure I didn't know her, she could have been crazy and now is gonna stalk me up in murdersville. UGH.
"No, you live in Inwood," she was protesting now and searching my face for me to recognize her, but I didn't. I was always getting concerned about her knowledge of someone's residence who couldn't have been me.
Now, I know that I'm skipping some stuff here, but the conversation was mostly her telling me one thing and me denying it or simply put, 'setting it straight.' But, the short version is, this girl was telling me that we met at Zanzibar, went back to my place in Inwood, and hooked up. But more than just hooked up, we had sex. I'm pretty sure that none of the above is true, likely or happened.
Finally, I stopped her with a really cold look and said, "Listen, I really think you have the wrong person." To which, I received, "Ryan, I don't know why you're acting this way, it's me, Jillian, you told me you wanted to see me again. Didn't you mean it???" Ok, now we're in crazyland. This bitch was WAAAAAY off her rocker.
"Um, my name is Steve, and there's not a chance in hell we hooked up because I'm GAY." I suddenly envisioned the scene from Drop Dead Gorgeous (if you don't know it, don't worry about it.) But the second I said it, I felt so guilty. She turned bright red and began stammering SO badly, I could have sworn she was choking back vomit of embarrassment.
"I'm s-s-s----oo, just s-o sorry. I don't even know what to say. I have to go." And she turned away and left.
And finally, I was left to eat my spicy shrimp tempura sushi in peace. YAY!
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