Saturday, August 23, 2008

So Much Shit in One Day

Wow, today was a fun one. I love days like this. It's just as if some "wit-fairy" had blessed me with solid one liners right on the tip of my tongue, ready for my usage. It was fantastic.

First, my day began with some fun filming down in soho. Upon finishing slightly earlier than I had anticipated, I wandered into a nearby department store, in which I encountered an old flame. I guess we can call him that. We'll call him Chuck(Not his real name.) Anywho, I saw him and I immediately called his name and we started chatting. Eventually another man joins us named Brett. Brett and Chuck are roommates. I've met them both before, but only have history with Chuck. Chuck turns to Brett and says, "Oh Brett have you met, uh, uh, ----um...."

I realize that Chuck has forgotten my name completely, so I step in. "Hi, I"m Steve." It was clear that Chuck DID however remember my face. So that was a decent sign. However, as we got to chatting away, he kept mentioning things that I remembered, and seemed taken aback by the fact that I did recall mundane details of his life. Anywho, the conversation kept flowing and then Chuck inquired, "So, Seth, where are you working these days?" 

Um, when did my name change? "Well, it's Steve, And I'm working at Blue Smoke." 

"Oh, right, that's just near my office." 

"Yes," I responded, "I remember."

"Wow, Sean, that's so crazy. How do you remember all of this stuff?"

"Once again, my name's Steve. And my mind seems to have and endless capacity for useless information. Hope you have a good one!" With that I just patted his shoulder politely and walked away. Seriously? Twice mistaking my name and me correcting him? I mean really???


Later on, I was at work. I had a bunch of bullshit go down, but one table specifically was noteworthy. 

4 adults, 3 children. The little girl of about 8 inquired about our wiki sticks. It's a toy that comes with a little connect the dots types of thing. The wiki sticks themselves are yarn coated in wax that are bendable. My restaurant, THANKFULLY, does not give out crayons to small infants and children. Anywho, once the girl realizes that she doesn't get crayons, she holds up the paper and asks, "Then why the hell do I have this?" I was shocked, no one at the table was. Parenting 101 people! You're 8 year old just asked a particularly RUDE question and used profanity. You should be concerned! But, of course, they were not. 

After such the question of the day, I figured it would all go more smoothly from there. I was wrong. Upon taking a drink order, I asked if the children should get cups with lids for their beverages. I was told that the kids would be fine with regular adult glasses. Awesome. All the drinks on the table, the two adult men spill 3 glasses of water and iced tea. So I jokingly ask, while cleaning up their mess, "haha, should have I have brought YOU a cup with a lid?" Everyone laughed except the men, which one of them looked at me in all seriousness and said, "That's not funny." Ok, dude, lighten the fuck up. It's just water and iced tea. And I cleaned it up. Yep, me.

And it wasn't done then either. This next part made my skin crawl.

I was setting up their table for dinner, i.e. changing silverware and whatnot, when one of the little boys asked his dad who I was.

"OH, that's the waiter."

"Well, daddy, why is he a waiter?" I'm still not sure why a 5 year old needed to know why I was a waiter, but whatever.

"Well, Son, he probably didn't go to school, so this is the only job he could get." WHAT?!? I mean, WHAT?!? Did I really just hear that correctly? Are you trying to scare your child into going to college or what?

I immediately shot, "Actually, Sir, I did go to college." Which amazingly caught him off guard. He didn't know what to say, so began stumbling over his words. I now had the attention of the entire table. So, my next line was a lie, but it was totally worth it for this douchebag. I went to school yes, but I needed to punch up the caliber of school I went to. So I then said, "I actually went to Harvard." The jaws at the table dropped. I know I know. I didn't really go to harvard. Nor did I ever have the desire to go. But, seriously, think before you speak. You NEVER know who someone could be or where they might have come from. And in the end, yes I lied, but ya know what? I feel SOOOOOOOOO much better for making him feel like shit, because he kind of tried to make me feel like shit. 

Steve 1. Douchebag guy dining at Blue Smoke 0. HAHAHAHA

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