Sobriety Hasn't Changed Your Attitude, So Shut Up and Drink!

A lot of things have happened over the past couple of weeks. But there are a few things that I know.

1. I know I hurt someone. I'm not proud of it. But, I know that I did. I wish I could take it all back, but it's just simply not possible. 

2. I made an easy situation much more difficult than it needed to be. So, for once, I was knowingly the crazy guy. I was the guy that will be shunned by certain groups of people, talked about at parties. You know those conversations. 

"everything was going great until he FREAKED out on me!" Yeah, I'm that guy who freaked out. It was me. Doesn't happen often but it happened. 

3. I'm a product of a super loving environment and I've been blaming all of my bad relationship issues on that. Let me explain. I have parents who have been happily and lovingly married for 33 years. It is so wonderful for me to see that these two people truly do love each other, made a commitment and work through all of their issues on a daily basis. So, given that as a model for how relationships work, one would expect that I'd have no problems with it right? Well, I do. I have a lot. I have a difficult time finding rest and peace at the beginning of a relationship to let it grow and evolve into what I want. Usually, it's not a problem but lately it has been. My most recent bf and I rushed into our relationship FAR too fast. And with someone I was recently seeing, I freaked out (see number 2.) 

4. It is that serious. I dedicate this to someone, you know who you are.

5. I need to get better at making choices. I've made some bad choices lately and not really thought them through as to how they would affect other people. One person was kind enough to call me out on how I was affecting him personally, and I just want to thank him. I'm no longer speaking to him (his choice), but I have a lot of respect for him because he told me pointblank how he felt about what I was doing. 

6. Texting is bad. 

7. AIM is bad.

8. I'm a really great friend, and a really awful bf. At least for now. 

9. There's no possible way to know what's really gonna happen, but it's nice to have some insight as to what you're getting into. 

10. Honesty is only as good as what you put into it. Honesty with no followthrough is Bullshit with an honesty mask on.

Have a good night everyone! I'm finally calling this day officially over and I'll try again tomorrow.

So Much Shit in One Day

Wow, today was a fun one. I love days like this. It's just as if some "wit-fairy" had blessed me with solid one liners right on the tip of my tongue, ready for my usage. It was fantastic.

First, my day began with some fun filming down in soho. Upon finishing slightly earlier than I had anticipated, I wandered into a nearby department store, in which I encountered an old flame. I guess we can call him that. We'll call him Chuck(Not his real name.) Anywho, I saw him and I immediately called his name and we started chatting. Eventually another man joins us named Brett. Brett and Chuck are roommates. I've met them both before, but only have history with Chuck. Chuck turns to Brett and says, "Oh Brett have you met, uh, uh, ----um...."

I realize that Chuck has forgotten my name completely, so I step in. "Hi, I"m Steve." It was clear that Chuck DID however remember my face. So that was a decent sign. However, as we got to chatting away, he kept mentioning things that I remembered, and seemed taken aback by the fact that I did recall mundane details of his life. Anywho, the conversation kept flowing and then Chuck inquired, "So, Seth, where are you working these days?" 

Um, when did my name change? "Well, it's Steve, And I'm working at Blue Smoke." 

"Oh, right, that's just near my office." 

"Yes," I responded, "I remember."

"Wow, Sean, that's so crazy. How do you remember all of this stuff?"

"Once again, my name's Steve. And my mind seems to have and endless capacity for useless information. Hope you have a good one!" With that I just patted his shoulder politely and walked away. Seriously? Twice mistaking my name and me correcting him? I mean really???

Later on, I was at work. I had a bunch of bullshit go down, but one table specifically was noteworthy. 

4 adults, 3 children. The little girl of about 8 inquired about our wiki sticks. It's a toy that comes with a little connect the dots types of thing. The wiki sticks themselves are yarn coated in wax that are bendable. My restaurant, THANKFULLY, does not give out crayons to small infants and children. Anywho, once the girl realizes that she doesn't get crayons, she holds up the paper and asks, "Then why the hell do I have this?" I was shocked, no one at the table was. Parenting 101 people! You're 8 year old just asked a particularly RUDE question and used profanity. You should be concerned! But, of course, they were not. 

After such the question of the day, I figured it would all go more smoothly from there. I was wrong. Upon taking a drink order, I asked if the children should get cups with lids for their beverages. I was told that the kids would be fine with regular adult glasses. Awesome. All the drinks on the table, the two adult men spill 3 glasses of water and iced tea. So I jokingly ask, while cleaning up their mess, "haha, should have I have brought YOU a cup with a lid?" Everyone laughed except the men, which one of them looked at me in all seriousness and said, "That's not funny." Ok, dude, lighten the fuck up. It's just water and iced tea. And I cleaned it up. Yep, me.

And it wasn't done then either. This next part made my skin crawl.

I was setting up their table for dinner, i.e. changing silverware and whatnot, when one of the little boys asked his dad who I was.

"OH, that's the waiter."

"Well, daddy, why is he a waiter?" I'm still not sure why a 5 year old needed to know why I was a waiter, but whatever.

"Well, Son, he probably didn't go to school, so this is the only job he could get." WHAT?!? I mean, WHAT?!? Did I really just hear that correctly? Are you trying to scare your child into going to college or what?

I immediately shot, "Actually, Sir, I did go to college." Which amazingly caught him off guard. He didn't know what to say, so began stumbling over his words. I now had the attention of the entire table. So, my next line was a lie, but it was totally worth it for this douchebag. I went to school yes, but I needed to punch up the caliber of school I went to. So I then said, "I actually went to Harvard." The jaws at the table dropped. I know I know. I didn't really go to harvard. Nor did I ever have the desire to go. But, seriously, think before you speak. You NEVER know who someone could be or where they might have come from. And in the end, yes I lied, but ya know what? I feel SOOOOOOOOO much better for making him feel like shit, because he kind of tried to make me feel like shit. 

Steve 1. Douchebag guy dining at Blue Smoke 0. HAHAHAHA

More things I love...

I've been listening to a bunch of songs lately, and I'm not going to say the names of them, but they've made me think. I hope that music makes everyone think about life, love, relationships, because most music comes from raw emotion and I love that someone has an experience, takes it and turns it into something the majority of the world can relate to. Or just a small group of people. 

Anywho, here are some amazing lyrics I've been listening to.

"With the slightest of breezes

 we fall just like leaves

as the rain washes us from the ground

We forget who we are

we can't see in the dark

and we quickly get lost in the crowd."

I dunno, i like it, it's simple and I know I relate. So, whatever...

"These are the things that I miss

These are not times for the weak of heart

These are the days of raw despondence

And i never dreamd I woudl have to lay down my torch for you like this."

Ok, so a little bit deeper. Yeah, it happens.

" 'Cause you're hot then you're cold

You're yes then you're no

You're in then you're out

You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right

It's black and it's white

We fight, we break up

We kiss, we make up

You don't really want to stay, no

But you don't really want to go"

Yeah, I get this one, has anyone met me? and my wonderful talent for making decisions. I promise I'm getting better.

"I pushed you away, you weren't at all 

 the person I wanted to answer my call.

The things I used to question, I'm seeing anew.

I wanted someone like me. Who wouldn't ask hard questions.

Who'd share all my thoughts, Who'd share all my fears.

Now, all I want is to be here with you."

Ok, no one take this as something dedicated to them. It's just a part of a song I listen to on repeat.

Ok, I'm a big f-ing NERD.

Thanks for stopping by.

Things that I love (or maybe not)

I love that I embarrassed the HELL out of a girl at whole foods in Union Square last week. I got my food and went upstairs to the eating area, completely alone. Well, there were lots of other people there, so I was as alone as I could be for NYC. As I'm eating, I look around and see this girl staring at me. I kind of stare back, in case I can recollect how I must know her. I was stumped. I gave up. I started looking out the window and out of the corner of my eye, I sense/see her approaching me. I couldn't not have been more blown away by the following conversation...

"Hi," she said kind of shy and a little hesitant. "I thought I'd make this a little less awkward."

"Um, awkward?" I couldn't hide my surprise. I really had no clue where I knew her from, but maybe I did. I was desperately racking my brain for clues to how I knew her. 

"Yeah, we met a few weeks ago," she said, in my mind I immediately rejoice because know I MUST know her, then she continued, "at Zanzibar."

I think my face fell flat. For anyone who's not NYC based, Zanzibar is a place in Hell's Kitchen that I prefer not to go to. However, about once a year, some girl I know will inevitably have a birthday party there that I have to attend. But, to my luck, I haven't been to this bar in well over two years. 

"I think you've got the wrong person, Miss. I haven't been to that bar in a REALLY long time."

"No, no, it was you. I would recognize you anywhere." She was sweet and laying on some girlish charm, sadly, that was completely wasted on me. "You live uptown right?"

"Yes, I live in Harlem." I couldn't believe I even told her the section of town I lived in, because I knew for sure I didn't know her, she could have been crazy and now is gonna stalk me up in murdersville. UGH. 

"No, you live in Inwood," she was protesting now and searching my face for me to recognize her, but I didn't. I was always getting concerned about her knowledge of someone's residence who couldn't have been me. 

Now, I know that I'm skipping some stuff here, but the conversation was mostly her telling me one thing and me denying it or simply put, 'setting it straight.' But, the short version is, this girl was telling me that we met at Zanzibar, went back to my place in Inwood, and hooked up. But more than just hooked up, we had sex. I'm pretty sure that none of the above is true, likely or happened. 

Finally, I stopped her with a really cold look and said, "Listen, I really think you have the wrong person." To which, I received, "Ryan, I don't know why you're acting this way, it's me, Jillian, you told me you wanted to see me again. Didn't you mean it???" Ok, now we're in crazyland. This bitch was WAAAAAY off her rocker.

"Um, my name is Steve, and there's not a chance in hell we hooked up because I'm GAY." I suddenly envisioned the scene from Drop Dead Gorgeous (if you don't know it, don't worry about it.) But the second I said it, I felt so guilty. She turned bright red and began stammering SO badly, I could have sworn she was choking back vomit of embarrassment. 

"I'm s-s-s----oo, just s-o sorry. I don't even know what to say. I have to go." And she turned away and left. 

And finally, I was left to eat my spicy shrimp tempura sushi in peace. YAY!

Rant of the Day!

So some stuff has been on my mind lately and I just want to share some thoughts with everyone.

1. Axe Body Spray. Hmmm well, there's a LOT I can say about this shit. It's gross. Plain and simply put. It will not cover your disgusting B.O. no matter how many bottles you spray yourself with. Try showering and washing your clothes and not wearing them when they are dirty. Furthermore, this stuff smells like scented rubbing alcohol, so I'm pretty sure that means it's cheap, oh wait! It Is! You can buy this stuff at Target for less that $5, so that means it's probably mostly made of alcohol and won't last very long in the fragrance area, maybe that means you should grow up and wear Curve like a junior high schooler. Just a thought.

2. It's America, traffic flows on the right side. It's like driving a car, that's how we should walk down the street, but yet, some people haven't quite grasped the concept even after living in this country, oh I don't know, ALL OF THEIR LIFE! Take note people. 

3.I'm over trying to get in touch with people after three attempts. It's kind of been my unwritten rule. I will try calling, texting, or emailing three times. Any combination of those three is how I will get in touch with you. Of course, there were a few exceptions to that rule, but I'm now extending it to everyone I know. I'm tired of having friends with years of time put in not get back to me for whatever reason. So, that's it kids, you're getting three from me, then the ball is in your court for up to however long it takes to get back to me. So return your damn phone calls! You never know why I'm calling. And I don't feel that I should have to tell you exactly why I'm calling to get you to call me back sooner (though I usually do.) Example. Someone called me about a month ago asking me if I knew of someone to do a theatre gig for him. It was low pay, but HUGE exposure. (I'm not a casting director, nor do I always have shit like this to offer my friends). So I called someone I thought would be a good person for the gig. Never heard from them. And actually, still haven't heard from them, and now the job went to someone else, who from that job get themselves an agent and is about to sign their first broadway contract. HMMMMMMM, guess my friend missed out. Point. Return your damn phone calls, you never know what's in store. 

4. Missed Connections on Craigslist.org is one of my FAVORITE things ever. If you haven't ever been there, stop reading this blog and GO!

5. Honesty is key in life. So are little white lies. Being able to decipher when you are honest and when you tell a little lie is the mystery of the world.

6. The world is SMALL SMALL SMALL! So don't get mad when people you are friends with already know other people you know. Or don't be surprised. whichever works for you.

7. White people are funny. Especially when they are scared of something that makes them an outsider in any given situation. 

There. That's it. I think 7 examples is all I need for today.

Later