Don't fuckin' judge.
Anywho. I've worked at a particular place off and on for 3 years now. Yup, I've been slingin' BBQ to the ungratefully wealthy, downtrodden trash and common folk of NYC now for 3 years. More than, actually. Time is flyin' when you're not really having fun.
Well, I've been back this time around for just about 3 months, and I've noticed something more consistent lately; people have the strangest requests about how they eat, where they eat and what they eat. It's crazy! I don't think I'm this bad when I dine out, but some people are just fuckin' whack jobs.
Here's a list of things I encountered last night alone.
1. Table of four. They all wanted water, but it all had to be different. Guest number 1 wanted a LOT of ice in her water. Number 2 wanted NO ICE. He repeated it about 8 times to make sure it took to my brain because I'm obviously retarded. Guest number 3 wanted 4 ice cubes. 4! I was like, " are you kidding?!?" And guest number 4 wanted half her glass full of ice.
OK, I'm all for accommodating my guests, but that was ridiculous. But the same table then asked me a question I've received a lot lately, but it's just so goddamn perplexing!
"Do you have unsweetened lemonade?"
Really people? I mean, really? Lemonade without being sweetened? Sure, let me just go squeeze a few lemons and you can have the juice! I mean, come the fuck on! Asking for lemonade with no sugar is like asking for me to be straight. It's not gonna fucking happen!
So that was just one fucking table. Just one. I had another table who refused to sign their credit card receipt with the pen I gave them. The lady insisted that I show her my collection of pens so she could chose her favorite. Hey crazy, I think I hear the insane asylum calling you home.
Another guest didn't like the particular glass I served her soda in. She prefers a mug instead of a water glass. Again, I'm obviously retarded and should have read her mind. And while that was happening, I had a man complain that his hot food was too hot and his plate was too cold. This one I didn't fully understand. The following is out dialogue;
Man, "Excuse me, sir. My plate is far too cold."
Me, "oh ok, I'll take it back for you."
Man, "No, my food is really hot, and I like it, but the plate is just cold."
Me, completely stumped, "I'm sorry, is that a problem."
Man, "yes, I mean, I don't want to be a pain, so whenever you have a chance, I'd like a really hot plate."
Me, still confused as to why the fuck he needs a new plate, "But, your food is fine, you just want a hot plate?"
Man, "Yes, I don't like my food to think I don't like to keep it warm."
I immediately walked away and brought this lunatic his hot plate. I mean, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT??? Are you serious? You think your food has feelings? This guys even crazier than the other lady.
Sometimes I feel my job is more to be an educator and a babysitter than to be a waiter. I feel the need sometimes to scold my guests and make them realize that it's just dinner. It's not that serious and they don't really need the shit they think they do. So that inspires me to say no to simple requests that I know I could really do for them, but I want them to know that they are playing my game, and I'm NOT playing theirs. Sometimes, yes, it would be much easier to just simply let things go, and I do. I'm not always such a bitch. But, there are times when I'm feeling feisty or just simply "over it" and I don't wanna play. So, heaven help you when you get me on those days, because I'm a lot of fun, but, don't expect to get your favorite type of glassware, or rummage through my apron for your most desired pen in which to scribble your name on a piece of paper that will be thrown away later.
And finally I have to say to anyone who dares to read this, that I usually maintain my cool when I'm at work. Most people never know when I'm really upset or flustered because I prefer to keep it that way. Plus, I've got something running through my head while I'm running around being the best babysitter the upper crust of NYC can buy,
"It's just dinner. It's not that serious."
1 comment:
I would have brought him a plate that was in the freezer. Looks like we're both blogging on here now. Good times.
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