Thoughts from today...

Several things happened today that just made me pause and take a minute to think about them.

1. I saw a homeless woman begging for money in the subways today while sending text messages on her cell phone. Hmmm? Yeah you read that right. My guess is one would need to appear more helpless to get more money, but hey, maybe that works for her.

2. Lesbians don't tip. I'm not sure what the girls have against men, but I had 2 lesbians at my table tonight with a bill of $100. My tip was $5. Hmmm, maybe they are spending all that extra money buying hair care products. Oh wait! They don't use them.

And

3. I overheard a woman talking about her husband no longer allowing her to spend $100 a week on anything frivolous. Apparently, she's been buying new clothes each week, perfume, or whatever she needs and because of the economy, her husband wants her to save some money, so he's cutting her off. If you do the math, she's spending $5,200 a year, roughly. If she's been married 15 years, that's a lot of money that could be saved. Stupid lady. I mean, seriously, she wasn't blind or deaf, so she must know what's going on in the world. 

THE END

How do we decide?

I've spent a lot of time in my life telling myself that I wanted something more. I wanted the next best thing. I wanted the better grade, the better job, the better school. Everything seemed to just be on the verge of something great. Everything. It could have been food, clothes, anything. And it wasn't just me telling myself this, it was all of the people around me; parents, siblings, grandparents, teachers, everyone.

So, I guess it stands to reason that I am 28 and so ready to just throw everything away for no other reason than the grass seeming greener. It seems that one small aspect of my life can be still for just a moment. I can settle into it and let it grow and watch what happens. But, I still have this nagging voice in my head that tells me the next best thing is on the horizon. It's been very difficult to turn it off, and sometimes I can't. Somedays it's so easy. But what I find more difficult is not letting it affect everything else in my life. I can't let it get to the point where I let my life not happen because I want one extra thing in my life. I have to find the balance. But where do I find it?

How do I go from living a life that is so unstructured and unpredictable to trying to have a structured relationship, while maintaining a healthy focus on myself and the career that I thought I wanted? How do I maintain wanting to go away for a few small months, yet continue to nurture someone else and what we are trying to build together? 

I'm sure this comes as no surprise, but I've dated a few people. Just a few. It always ends. I could blame everyone else for not being the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, but I'd be lying. I'm not the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. The problem lies within me. I used to be so motivated and focused on what I wanted. And now, it just isn't there anymore. So how do you find happiness within yourself while trying to keep a relationship going that you know is good? Is there really a way to find it all? 

As a skeptical person, I don't think so, but there's always a little voice of hope in my head. 

Age...

I have a friend who has lied about her age almost as long as I've known her. When we met several years ago, she was a couple of years older than me. As of this month, she's currently the same age as me. Now, I really don't care that she lies about this, because many people do. But what's the big deal? It's almost that she thinks that she has to because she does, in fact, look a little bit younger than she really is. Or maybe it's because she has less going for her right now than she'd like. But, it's just annoying at this point.

About a year ago, said friend and I were out and someone(a different friend of mine) came over and asked me her age and I said, truthfully what it was. And then without masking any contempt for me, I was corrected, and not only corrected, but was reprimanded for lying. Then she looked at the person who had asked and said she was younger than me! What's really funny about this is that the guy who wanted to ask my friend out decided not to because he felt that my girlfriend was too wrapped up in superficial bullshit. He only asked her age to make sure she was old enough to be out of college. He would have been more into her had she been truthful. So, by lying, she lost out on a chance to possibly date someone really wonderful. My two friends have since become mutual acquaintances, but still, there may have been more.

So this is my thing. I'm 28. No, I haven't accomplished everything I wanted to by the age of 28. I will be turning 29 this year. I know that there are people much younger than me that have gone on to do great things. But, it's not a bad thing to be 28 and not be where you thought you would be. There are many people in this world who make it their whole lives not doing what they thought they would. The best you can hope for is to live your life each day and make the most of it. Chase your dreams and don't let anything stop you. I know this is all advice that I should take myself, but I'm figuring that out on my own time. So the next time you bitch about your job, if you really hate it that much, quit. You can always find another one. Maybe not right now in the current economy, but if you've been bitching for 5 years about a job you hate, then change your life. You're not stuck in a rut because you can't get out, you're stuck in a rut because you won't get out. And age is seriously a number, those people who make a big deal about it and feel they have to lie? Well everyone cares how old you are because you make a big deal about hiding it. Why? No one would care if you said you were really about to be 32 or 40, because most of us already know how old you are anyways.

So, let it go. The things you think people will care about are what they will most likely care least about.