Riggle Me This, where is my diggle?

It's been almost a year since I've posted anything. I've actually tried to write something on this for the past few days, and repeatedly gave up. Several years ago, I did a show in the midwest. The contraption that held our microphone's to our heads was called a "diggle." My last name is Riggle. Obviously they rhyme. I even made a T-shirt that says, "Riggle's Diggle." It was during my t-shirt making period. Anywho, I dug that shirt out of a drawer yesterday and wore it for the first time in a very long time. Two of my really good friends got a solid 5 minute laugh out of my wonderfully made shirt. I'm sure their laughter was just jealousy over my beautiful last name and the ability to rhyme with a word such as diggle. No, their laughter was pure and warranted, and even deepened by the fact that I took the time to make a shirt as ridiculous as it was. I didn't think much of it while hanging out, but I've spent a lot of time thinking about it since. Back when I actually made that shirt, I was a much more fun person. I did things that were ridiculous and spontaneous and fun. I went out to bars with my friends, I enjoyed my life as a whole, and now, what's happened? Have I lost my diggle? Granted, I still hang out with my friends, but something has changed. Perhaps because for the past year, I spent so much time working at my restaurant, and interning at a production company, hoping, desperately that they would hire me, only to end up leaving when they couldn't, has left me feeling a little bit lost. Oh sure, we've moved into a better neighborhood and a better apartment, but something still feels a little bit off. I'm sure it has to do with the fact that five years ago, when I made said diggle shirt, I was so certain of the direction my life would take me. I knew that I was going to book jobs as an actor and be successful. Yet something has changed. My whole world has changed. Everyone's has, duh. Somehow reaching my thirties has woken me up to something different. Yes, I still have similar problems to what I had five years ago, yes, I'm still struggling to get my career going, no, I'm not successful and rolling in money, but the pressure feels heavier now for some reason. It could be that I have a loving boyfriend who I want to support in any way that I can. It could be the addition of the world's cutest dog that I am responsible for. It could just be that I'm getting older and want to make sure that I don't waste my time in this life working at a bar. I want so much more than what I've achieved so far in my life. The only difference is that I now don't have a plan. I've somehow given it up and let myself get so far lost in the struggle, I can't see much of a way out. But, I suppose being able to recognize all of this means I'm not beyond hope just yet. So from here on out, I will wear my shirt more often, if for no other reason to remind myself to be silly, be fun, and be spontaneous. And yesterday kicks off my new mission: To find Riggle's Diggle. :)