Riggle me this, I clean because i love?

So, when I was younger, and, I mean, YOUNGER, I lived for going back to school. Getting school supplies was my favorite thing in the world. By the beginning to middle of August, I would have all of my pens, paper, notebooks, and if possible my textbooks for the year. Yeah, I know, I'm a school nerd. BIG TIME! Don't judge. I loved, and still do, learning and yes, I getting a fun tingle in my belly when I see a sale at Staples. Call me any name in the book you want, and I promise I'll just smile it away, because I love school supplies.

The past few years though, I've found my love for school supplies to be as strong as ever, but something new has come around with it; cleaning supplies. Well, more specifically, basic cleaning supplies. I know, I know, I'm old. And most of you would say it's just because I'm all coupled off and stay at home all the time. But, you'd be wrong. This love affair has been building since I was about twenty-four or twenty-five, long before I even met Matt. So, yeah. Take that judgey mcjudgies.

Anywho, if you need advice on how to clean anything in your apartment, or house for that matter, you really need only a few things to clean anything. Windex (not to be like the dad from MY BIG FAT GREEK WEDDING, but Windex clean everything!), Mr. Clean Magic Erasers, a broom, a swiffer wet-jet, and a vacuum. That's it. Well, maybe some paper towels too. But seriously. There is no need to go by all of the harsh odor chemically bullshit priced cleaning supplies to get everything done. And, yes, I'm well aware that I sound like some sort of desperate housewife in need of a good lay, but I think cleaning is a wonderful wonderful thing and everyone needs to know about it.

Two days ago, after about two years of battling with my shark hand-vac and being dissatisfied with my always almost clean rug in my living room, I purchased a real honest to goodness vacuum cleaner. Cue the chorus of hallelujah. It seriously was the most miraculous thing of my month, which now in retrospect of writing this, makes me a little sad that this one purchase was the best thing about July for me, but whatever, I'm excited. I have a new vacuum and my rug has never been cleaner. I don't even think it was this clean when I bought it. Vacuuming it makes it looks brand spanking new and it feels so soft and wonderful. And that's saying a lot, considering I have a dog that sheds as much as he does.

So, I love cleaning. I'm a dork. I'm a nerd. I love school supplies too. I doubt either thing will change anytime soon. But, hey, that's me. I can own my nerdiness and wear it with pride. And I have a super clean apt. Do you?

Riggle me this, why do you hate me?

So, yes, another story about work.


Why are servers the most hated people in the world. Do people think we're dumb? Do people think that we aren't educated, or human beings, or anything worth giving a little kindness and consideration to?

I mean, I definitely know the answers to the above, but I feel like many people think that the person waiting on them have no real life experience, brains, ethics, morals, passions, interests, or a soul. But, it's not the way it is. Many people forget that Suze Orman was once a server, but let's face it, the bitch is smart. She managed to begin her empire off of her tips. Does she even have an empire? Either way, it doesn't really matter.

But, there is a hatred towards servers that we deal with on a little bit deeper level; foreigners. Tonight, someone said to me, after 15 minutes of looking at the menu and not ordering anything, "we're french, we need time to translate what you call a language"

Now, I'm sure what he meant by this was, "we're not from here, we need time to translate (then the what you call a was supposed to mean 'i'm searching for the word') this language. But, the way it came out was, "i'm french and far more superior to you and your country, our language is better and I spit on you." So, now it's up to me to not only maintain my own sanity, but I have to defend my country too? For real?


Ok so maybe I don't. i just have to walk away, which suits me just fine.

Riggle Me This, Angry Lesbians!

So, why ARE the girls just so angry?

This is something I wonder about every time I encounter angry lesbians. I just don't get it! I know a few lesbians that I get along with famously, but there are some that just seem to hate anything with a penis. Some tend to hate cute little gay boys even more, something that I will just never understand.

Last night, at work, this is what happened.

I greeted my table of lesbians with a pleasant "hello," and "how are you?" And was greeted with a grunted "hi," with an added eyeroll from the more butch woman once he looked me up and down. The second lesbian was a little bit nicer, clearly the lipstick lesbian of the twosome, minus the cute factor. She was a little, but not much nicer.

Their drinks were pretty typical, the butch one ordered a beer (typical) and a water and the lipstick said to me, "I'll have two glasses of water, room temperature, as if they've never had a thought of ice a day in their life." For real. That's what she said to me. I was like, um, ok crazy.

So then, as is standard in my line of work, I was multi-tasking. Big surprise for a waiter. But as I was getting drinks for several tables, they apparently felt they were waiting too long, so they pulled aside the sweet little host and told her they were very upset, very, very, very upset with how long their drinks were taking. This was informed to me as I was carrying a tray of about 14 drinks to my section. I did make sure to drop of their drinks first, but instead of a thank you for their drinks, I got, "so, i'm gonna have..." That's when I stopped her and told her that I would be right back. Instead of saying, "ok," I got, "we're ready to order now. hurry back."

So, I was trying to figure out how to be nice to them without being condescending or losing my cool with them. So I went back and took their order. Each of them had about 6 or 7 special requests for their food. This is something I don't understand about people in restaurants. 1 or 2 things different, ok, but seriously, 6 or 7 each. Why even bother coming out? Stay the fuck at home! Anywho, as they were ordering they each made a point of repeating everything about 3 times and slower each time as to make sure that I (apparently ignorant and stupid) understood the words coming out of their mouths. Then, the kicker was that the man of the table then says to me, "and that can all come out as it's ready, we're really not fussy at all."

ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??? NOT FUSSY, MY ASS! I had a full fucking page for both of their special requests! We're not fussy. O-M-G!!! I wanted to punch them both in the vagina. (and no i don't support violence towards women or anyone, so don't get all up in arms about this and call the authorities on me or anything crazy).

So, if you think it's done then, you'd be mistaken. Every few minutes they needed something new. The manly one pointed out that her blue cheese dressing tasted more like ranch and didn't actually believe that it was what she ordered. Then her salad didn't have asparagus in it. Then, her girlfriend didn't have enough intelligent conversation to add, god only knows what their problems were, but they became MY problems.

Newsflash people! I'm a waiter, not a therapist. Don't unload on me because that's what happens in the movies. We're not best friends. We are in a 2 hour relationship because I want your money. Basically I'm your whore for 2 hours, you pay me, then I never see you again. That's how this is supposed to work. So don't give me your life story because I don't care!!!

And maybe, just maybe, I'm the one that's angry and not the lesbians, but I still blame them. And I will never have the answer to why lesbians hate men and gay men so much, but I will continue to try to bridge that gap somehow!

Riggle Me This: why are people so effing WEIRD?

So...was it a full moon somewhere tonight? Or were the crazies just out in full hot, lack of a better word, fullness? It was just one right after the other tonight and I can't for the life of me figure out why I had to deal with so much bullshit tonight.

To kick off the evening, I had a party of about 15. Four, yes, four were children under the age of 5. All of which were, I guess, supposed to be under the supervision of me. Because I didn't have other tables or anything. Shout to the parents, "i'm not your babysitter. You are. I shouldn't have to deal with your child throwing cars, toys, or crayons at me or the people around you. You have kids, we don't, you can handle it, we shouldn't have to!"

Anyway, they were basically fine, except their idiot son kept falling off his chair because no one was watching them, and the one single older guy at the table kept making insanely bad jokes all night. He was like the embarrassing dad, the kind that try really hard to keep up with the trends, even if the trend was about ten years ago. He had on a purple polo with a popped color, and all of his jokes were in the spirit of annoying server jokes that we have all heard a million times. I think everyone now knows the type I"m talking about. Well, joke after joke, I just smiled politely and tried to blow it off, because well, he was annoying. But as they were leaving, I was saying my thank you's to them, he looks at me and says, "That was awesome, you're hot, I should give you my number."

Perplexed, I responded, "you need to behave."

"I did behave tonight, that was the problem."

I was shocked. Who invited old ass gay uncle Rodney anyways. I don't know if that's really his name, but that's what I'm calling him. Seriously, though. Who invited him??? I high-tailed it to another table and just tried to move on.

During that whole fiasco, I had walked by a table of 3 gay men seated at another one of my tables. One of them accidentally elbowed my ass. I turned to excuse myself when he said, "wow you're rock solid!" Well, yes I was flattered by his obvious compliment to my rear end, but i didn't really know where it could go. They looked mid-forties, and like they had money, so, i figured I should flirt a little bit to get a bigger tip, right? So I go through the motions with them and smile a lot more than I normally do and blah blah blahblahblah. I set their bill down and one guy pays with a black AMEX card. I'm thinking to myself that I'm gonna get a huge tip. WRONG! I should have known better. People with black AMEX's never tip over 15%. It's like a stupid rule they have to keep the money they make. ON a bill of $162 they left me 18 dollars.

18 DOLLARS!!!! Are you kidding me? I almost chased them down just to homo smack the shit out of them. They got to touch my butt, they got to have me actually flirt with them. And yes, I have already entertained, briefly, the notion that my flirting was bad and that's how they were telling me. BUt, I've flirted many many times before, and this was top notch for me. TRUST.

Onto the next guy. This guy was hosting a bunch of people from some foreign country and he was really trying to impress them. He ordered a bottle of Shiraz (we have 2 by the bottle) and he said he didn't care which bottle. One bottle is $32 and one is $56. I figured I didn't wanna just assume he wanted the more expensive, so I gave him the cheaper one. So I go to the bar, I get the glasses, I get my wine key, I get the glasses set on the table and I finally present the wine and he looks at it all confused and asks to see the menu. I figured he just wanted to double check the vintage on the menu and the bottle. NOPE! He looked at me square in the face and said, "i wanted the other one." I almost lost my shit on this guy. I mean, are you for real? You tell me one minute that you don't care which one, but I bring you one and you say you wanted the other one?!?! Just order what you fucking want? I am not a damn mind reader.

There were more instances tonight, but these were the standouts. As I am writing all of this, I'm trying to figure out hat was going on tonight because seriously, I can't riggle myself enough brain power to understand why I have to deal with crazy people and all of that bullshit. So if anyone has the answer, please let me know!

Riggle me this... what should I be when I grow up???

There is so much on my mind. Lately, I've been incredibly depressed. I've come to the realization that I have almost everything I want in my life. I have an amazing relationship, a beautiful puppy, a wonderful home, and a steady day job that keeps me with enough money to get by. What I don't have is a career. And I'm not entirely sure what i want it to be.

I moved here to pursue my love of acting and all I've found is the frustration of auditioning. For anyone who doesn't know, it's a daily reminder that there is someone better looking, more talented, or just overall better than who you are. Yet, it's nothing personal. It's just how the blue print for a show or project fits together and we don't all fit into it the same way.

I've been writing some here and there just to get my creative juices going, but nothing is really coming together like I want. but I'm learning to be patient. If I can't book a job doing performing, then I need to create something for myself to do. I've kind of narrowed down a few jobs that I don't thin would be bad to have.

1. Personal training.
2. Teacher of yet to be determined subject
3. Pianist, but I"m not sure about this one yet.
4. Writer.

So for now, I'm just going to write when I can, what I can, and if anyone reads this, just comment for me and let me know what you think I should end up doing. Cool?

Been Awhile

It's been awhile since I've felt the need to post anything. No one really reads what I put up on here anyways, so it seems like it's pointless. But, then again not.

For the past few months, I've been coasting. Mostly in my chosen profession. In my day job, I succeed. In my relationships, I feel that I succeed. For what I moved here, I don't know. I don't want to or like admitting defeat, but sometimes, it seems inevitable. It's so easy to get wrapped up in the dramatic of the highs and lows and let the world seem like it's pushing down on your shoulders so hard you swear that you'll break. But then, you get back up.

But, that's the past few months. I've decided now that if my daily mantra is "it's not that serious," I should start living up to the promise right?

Well, today, and tonight, I was reminded of just how serious I've been taking my own life. I broke down in tears to a good friend at work today about how stressed out I've let myself become over a job I don't really care about. I knew that he was someone that would help me and he did. The situation just meant so much to me and it felt so good that someone was on my side. Sometimes, it just helps that someone understands what you're going through and can actually help you get what you need. To top it off, my ever-understanding and super amazing BF told me, "breathe, everything will work out." just like that. Like he just knew that everything would, in fact, work out. It's amazing that how when I can't see the forest through the trees, I have people around me that can point out what's really important.

Later, as I was walking my puppy, and he peed, as they tend to do, a junior high punk got pissed that Monkey dare pee anywhere near his vicinity. I figured, oh well. He's a kid, my dog's a dog, and that's just how things are. But, after walking my dog a few times and he peed, the kid looked at me and said, "if you're motherfucking dog pisses near me again, or bites me, i'll fucking kill him." I just looked at him and said, "i hope you have a better day." Then his mom started in on me and i think I heard the phrase, "fucking college punks and their dogs." I mean, what's more sweet than that? She thought I was in college! Score for me!!! I don't really know what all she said, but it was clear that the apple fell far from that tree.

I realized that my life isn't so serious and maybe theirs really is. It seems that just when I need a reminder that nothing is really as serious as it seems. Sometimes it takes someone else ripping into you to snap you into what's real. And what's real isn't that serious!

2009 in review, stolen from Laura

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

-helped cast a show, in which, i got to actually help make the decisions rather than just sit in on the auditions.

-gave into love (yup, someone finally broke down the wall.)

-took a man home to meet my family

-moved into an apt with someone

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I tend to not make new year's resolutions. I usually take an evaluation on my birthday every year. That's my new year's. This year, however, I did make a few. Hopefully I'll keep them. It's early and I'm doing pretty well so far.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No. I'm hoping this year changes.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Tai from Clueless. :(

5. What countries did you visit?

I sad now. Stayed in USA this past year. I did go to Maine, Massachusetts a lot, and Wyoming twice. I love it!!!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

Money, always could use more.

Career, would love to book more jobs, but ultimately, I just want to be passionate about what I do.

I would also like more time with my friends and family. As I get older, I just keep realizing how fleeting life is.

7. What dates from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

January 31st, a real turning point in my relationship. Also a night I won a dance off at my best friend's bday party. (i was in my underwear and cowboy boots, naturally)

April 12th, Easter in Marshfield. First official holiday with the in-laws. HAHA

July 4th, Fireworks in P-town at the beach with Matt. Beautiful!

November 26th. Thanksgiving with the in-laws.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Personal Growth and Ownership. I spent the year really letting myself fall head over heels in love. I let someone influence my life and push me to be the strongest and best version of myself imaginable. I've let myself ultimately own what I am and who I am. I've faced fears head on and overcome them. I've allowed someone into my heart to truly see who I am, and he is still here. I have more fears to face, and I'll deal with everything as it comes my way, but ultimately, I have found some peace in my life. I know that I can take on anything.

9. What was your biggest failure?

My biggest failure is that I let too many friends slip away from me and didn't keep in touch with the ones I truly love.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Eh, not really. I don't get sick very often. And I broke my foot about 2.5 years ago, so I think I'm good for awhile.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Wow, just picking one thing. Plane tickets to wyoming, twice. And Matt's bday dinner. Damn that was good!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My love, Matt. For standing by me no matter what and loving me always. Sappy and corny, I know, but if anyone in this world is lucky enough to find someone like him, then you would know what I'm talking about.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

Kanye West ( i know I dont' have to go into detail)

Chris Brown (again, details not required)

And no, i'm not racist.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Rent, Student loans, Trips to new england, trips to wyoming, christmas.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My trip to maine to see Christine in A Chorus Line, leaving to go to P-town, coming back from p-town, Going to Wyoming, coming home from Wyoming, My bday, matt's bday, halloween going as a tourist, thanksgiving in marshfield, and christmas in my apt with matt, and christmas in wyoming, new years in nyc!

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

fallin' for you by colbie caillat

work by kelly rowland

chasing pavements by adele

MIKA's new album

Lucky by Jason Mraz and colbie caillat

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? INSANELY HAPPIER
b) thinner or fatter? i'm gaining weight but it's all muscle
c) richer or poorer? about the same

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Auditioning, get off my ass, write more, play my piano more, and see my friends more.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Worry about the bullshit

20. How did you spend Christmas?

In the ER with my sister because she was dehydrated, then just hanging out on the couch eating and watching movies with my family.

21. Did you fall in love in 2009?

I fall in love more and more everyday. So, yes. And I know most of you will roll your eyes with that statement, but it's true

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Brothers and Sisters, handsdown the best show on TV.... Close second is Drop Dead Diva on Lifetime. It's so cute!

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Um, not that i know of.

24. What was the best book you read?

My sister's Keeper. Amazing!

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

MIKA, Colbie Caillat

26. What did you want and get?

Peace, more happiness.

27. What did you want and not get?

Money, well I got it, and now it's gone again.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Up, it's one of the top ten, i'm stumped to think of more right now

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turnened 29, like this question! My bf was taking me to dinner then it turned out to have more people there than I thought. It was awesome.

30. What’s the one thing that made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Matt. Enough said. I'm a better person because of him.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Eh, i will always be a t-shirt and jeans type of guy. I deviate from that from time to time, but overall, i'm really basic

32. What kept you sane?

Matt, and John. Boyfriend and best friend. Completely

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Is this a crush? hmmmm David beckham, or robert downey, jr. Maybe jude law.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

Healthcare. I have it, and I think obama's proposed healthcare is bullshit. I actually think obama is full of shit. There, I said it. I don't support our president. I didn't support him before the election and I don't support him now. Think what you will, but I refuse to be a single issue voter.

35. Who did you miss?

My friends from college. My friend that lives about 5 blocks away that I never see. A girl who's blog I stole this from, she's one of the coolest chicks i know. I miss my family.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

Wendy Williams. HAHA, still have yet to meet her, but I was on her show this year, in the audience. And David Bryant. I knew him before, but got to know him this year. As well as Ryan. Two amazing people I got to spend the summer with.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Stop, breathe, think, speak.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"Do you hear me? I'm talking to you. Across the water across the deep blue ocean under the open sky, oh my, baby i'm trying. Boy I hear you in my dreams. I feel your whisper across the sea. I keep you with me in my heart. You make it easier when life gets hard. I'm lucky I'm in love with my best friend. Lucky to have been where I have been. Lucky to be coming home again. They don't know how long it takes. waiting for a love like this. Every time we say goodbye, I wish we had one more kiss. I'll wait for you I promise you, I will."

An Amazing Night for Some...

So, tonight at work, something very interesting happened. Well, I guess it depends on your perspective. Let's start with my experience.

Halfway through my shift tonight, i was seated with a two top, a couple. They were far less than happy. They were downright fighting. The first time I went over, the girl was yelling at the guy. The guy was kinda cute, and the girl definitely wasn't, so I didn't think she was worth the hassle. Every time I walked over to talk to them, they seemed to be ok, but the tension was insanely high. However, I wasn't the only one who noticed. There were moments where these two people were screaming so loudly, other tables were looking at them like they were crazy, which, the pretty much were/are.

Throughout their time at my table, many of my co-workers kept coming up to me and saying things like, "wow, table 55 is certainly a lovely couple," "what the hell is wrong with them," etc. At one point, I asked a girl I work with to try to listen in on what they were saying. She only got out of them that the guy was yelling at the girl. And that he said something like, "it might as well have been a transvenstite." Ok, yeah, this dude is crazy, and well yeah, so is his girlfriend.

Finally, the table next to them was seated with 4 girls. Girls that were awesome and fun, but giggly and whatnot. I honestly didn't give them much of a second thought, until my table of crazies left. That's when I got the actual scoop of what they were fighting about.

I go to pick up my check off the crazy table and this is the scoop.

Apparently, while the crazies were at the bar, the group of four girls were next to them. Girlfriend went to the bar, and the guy started hitting on one of the girls. Girlfriend comes back to the bar to find her boyfriend hitting on the girl and lost her mind. She then began fighting with the boyfriend at the bar, and it continued on while they were sitting at the table. Well, low and behold, the girl he was hitting on gets seated at the table next to them! So of course the first thing out of her mouth is "well, this is awkward!" Which was followed by comments of "well, I don't know, why don't you ask HER!" pointing at the girl next to her. Then at one point the guy moved over to the girlfriend's side of the table and began canoodling with her. Somehow, i think, in hindsight, that he did this to prove a point to the girl he had been hitting on previously. But, then, they went back onto fighting. Another point he started screaming about Hoboken, HOBOKEN, and how his girlfriend should just call her mom and get on a train back to hoboken, HOBOKEN!!! INSANE!

What are the odds of getting seated next to the guy who was hitting on you and he actually introduces his girlfriend! W-O-W!!!

THis happened to be one of the funniest moments I've ever had the pleasure of witnessing while I was at work. Top ten, at least.

So, to Ann, Caroline, Melissa, and Abigail, thank you for making my night amazing.

On a sad note, the girlfriend ended up sitting at the bar, alone, for the next couple of hours while her douchebag boyfriend left. Yeah, he turned out to be a big ole douchebag!!!

Change...

I recently hung out with someone I haven't really spent much time with over the last couple of years. We had a good time spiced with a few awkward moments, but that was expected. However, just before he left, he looked at me and said, "You're a completely different person." It struck me as odd, but I brushed it off and went on my way.

As the next few days passed, I started thinking about it more. Did he mean that I'm a completely different person because I'm not as jaded as I was two years ago? Did he mean that I'm different because overall I've become someone I never thought I would? Did he mean that I've grown very satisfied in a relationship and somewhat co-dependent and two years ago I promised I never would? Did he mean I'm different because I have a new tattoo? I honestly don't know. But it just became this whole statement that I've noticed coming from more and more of my friends.

When two people meet, their paths suddenly cross and they are in each others lives. But given that some friends are made while doing a show, the business of theatre will keep them apart for a very long time. So, when one meets a friend then has a few years between times of hanging out, it's expected to notice a difference in those people. For example, when I was on tour, I was gone from NYC four a mere 4 months before I had a break to come back home. Then I went back out on the road for another 4 months. In those short 7-8 months, I felt like I was constantly changing and growing, and I'm sure I was, btu it was more concentrated in the bubble that is a tour. I was seeing the same 40 people every day. I didn't get to see my friends, I didn't get to talk to them as much as I wanted. So when I got back to NYC I felt like the the world had changed around me and I had been standing still. I immediately slipped into depression. I felt so far behind everyone. And I felt like I had missed out. When did my best friend cut her hair so short? When did another friend book his first broadway show? And another friend's mother passed away. I missed it all.

Anywho, the point is that yes I've changed a lot in the past couple of years. But I think it's all been for the best. A lot of it has to do with the person I'm dating. It's funny how much one person can influence your life. I always hear of people saying that their friends' boyfriend or girlfriend is really bad for them. I constantly hear how much people love mine. And how they think a positive influence has been made on my life. So, yes, that changes things. I'm more settled now. I'm ready to build a life with someone. A year and a half ago, I wasn't ready for that. But, sometimes when you meet someone, you just know that they're going to be in your life for a long long time. And, sadly, there are other people you meet that you know you aren't destined to be with, even when you make certain decisions. Whether that decision is getting involved when you know you shouldn't, or making the decision to walk away because you know it's the best thing for both of you even though it's difficult.

Overall, change is gradual, but when you spend so much time away from people, the change seems drastic. That's just how it is.

Change is good, and it's bad, but when it's good, everything becomes possible

Long Time Coming...

I haven't written for a very long time. I'm not really sure why. Maybe it's because the last few months I've been in some really desperate need of soul searching. Maybe it's because I took on a second job that ruined every aspect of my social life. Maybe it's because I became consumed with a relationship. Maybe it's just because I simply couldn't find the time. But today, I decided I had to write a few things about the past few months. Or few weeks, which were most important anyways.

So, backtracking to April. I spent a lot of time working on a show that is now about to begin a rehearsal period then open for the summer. It's been a fun time of casting, some rehearsals, and now we're about to begin. It's been wonderful. There was a stint in there that I was working at a restaurant and also bartending at a lounge. The lounge turned out to not be the best place for me, but I managed.

Anywho, a couple of weeks ago, I went up to Maine to see a show. I few of my friends were in it, as well as one of my dearest friends in the world. This particular friend was the catalyst for my going to see the show, and it so happens that I haven't seen this girl perform since college. And since college was some time ago, we'll just say that's a LONG time. HAHA. Anywho, I prepped my traveling companion for the brilliance that he was about to see when she came to the stage. How amazing she's always been, how her voice is gorgeous, and how I was excited to see her in a role I hadn't seen her do before. (We did this show in college and she was a different part. just to clue everyone in.)

So, I spent all of this time prepping him for how great she is, when, in reality, I should have been prepping myself. What happened on stage was almost miraculous. No amount of boasting of this girl's talent kept me even in the ballpark for what she did on that stage. She was funny, charming, sassy, beautiful, and just overall flawless. I've always known this girl was talented. But that isn't quite it. Talent isn't even the right word to describe her. I've seen people perform that I always thought they were good, but this girl, she is truly remarkable. I have to remind myself that I am this girl's friend. It's truly an honor and a blessing that she is in my life, aside from the kick ass stage antics.

But, the best thing is, she has no clue how amazing she really is. I don't think she ever will. But, it's her own gracious humble attitude that keeps her grounded. This particular job was a long time coming, but, it came and now I believe that she will be on a new wonderful journey because of it. So, if you read this, then just know that if you know a woman named Christine LaDuca, then you are in the presence of greatness.

Moving on to this weekend. Or rather, today. Today is a bittersweet day in my life. I just got to Provincetown, MA, for what will be my second time. But, that's not what's really important. What's really important is that today, I realized something about the past year of my life. I believe that an angel was sent to me. I believe that I have exhibited some destructive behavior over the last year, and someone upstairs wanted me to have this angel in my life. Because no matter what I said or did, he stayed with me. He fought me to see through all of my faults and find goodness again. He stayed by my side even when I told him, falsely, that I wanted him to go. He saw through all of the badness and the crap, and found me.

I realized all of this while watching him drive away. Yup, he has gone for the summer. Well, really, I've gone. I decided to come up to P-town for my show and I've left him to fend for himself in NYC. But, he kindly agreed to come with me to bring me up here. And it was watching him leave that everything bad thing I've said to him suddenly became a regret in my head. Every ignorant action I made over the last year suddenly seemed so trivial. Because at that moment of watching him, I realized how truly lucky I am that he found me. I am so lucky because I have love in my life. I have something to really hold on to. A gift like this only comes once in your life, maybe more if you're really special, but for me, I'm pretty sure it's just a one time occurrence. I know some of my friends reading this are probably about to vomit, but it's just something so good, I can't help myself. Things that used to make me feel jaded and vile over, I suddenly love. The influence is completely positive, so let's just leave it that I'm one of the lucky ones.

I truly am.